trust His heart =)

i'm feeling kind of melancholic today.

just watched breakfast at tiffany's. audrey hepburn is gorgeous and so captivating and has such beautiful clothes and hats. hah... i really like the old-fashioned way of dressing man. the pill-box hats and little black dresses and matching coats and jewellery and the mannerisms of 'oh darrrling... you shouldn't have..." and stuff like that =) and the way all men are so clearly pigeon-holed into 'gentleman' or 'jerk'. nows a days, it's not that simple eh.

hmmm...

think maybe part of the melancholy is 'left'over' from yesterday. i didn't realise the frustrations over the worship session had affected me that much, but my first thought today was one of discouragement. well, not quite that... but something close to that that i dunno what to call.

also cos i was supposed to sing back-up today, first time in church. so was kind of nervous that history would repeat itself. haha... i felt like God was just not talking to me this morning. like i just felt... distant. like i didn't 'feel' him. i know He was and is still there with me, but it just felt like it was all head-knowledge for me today.

i've had these kind of days every now and then.l i guess most Christians do too.... i mean, sometimes it just feels like you can't sense if He's really there or not. and then suddenly have a lot of doubts and all the struggles you are going through seem that much harder to bear.

so yeah... all the way walking to church, i just kept reminding myself of all His promises and all the things He has done for me that have really been proof to me that He does exist and that He is in control and that He cares. and i really had to resolve all the feelings i had left over from yesterday and ask God to help me to just rest in my identity in Him.

so by the time i reached church, i was feeling more internally 'resolved', but still quite emotionally detached. during the message, the speaker mentioned that 'we do not base our faith on feeling' - something that i myself have heard time after time, and even taught in metamorphosis last year! at that point when he mentioned it, i was like "oh God, You know EXACTLY what i'm feeling and You prepared him to say that short phrase to remind me that You really really know what i need and who i am."

it really comforted me to know that He had allowed me to be reminded of that fact. like He knew i needed to hear that statement this morning.

so anyways... i know that although i may not feel Him near, He is near, and i rejoice that He will use everything that is happening (or not happening, in this case) to make me more like Him and draw me closer to Him.


God is too good to be mistaken

God is too good to be unkind

so when you don't understand

when you don't see His plan

when you can't trace His hand

trust His heart!