scared, but assured

yesterday i went with mel to a dinner gathering of his growin-up friends. people who have seen him through his teen and early adult years, who have shared exam stress and other growing up woes with him. people who knew him way before i knew him...

we had a really yummy dinner at fisherman's market (or sth liddat) at plaza sing. it's really so much more worth than fish and co. the food is just as nicely presented too =)

anyways... dinner topics revolved around who is attending what church now, and who is not, and who is getting married, and when, and who changed job etc etc... it was all a bit mind-blowing cos i felt like too much info. but generally everyone was very nice, and i didn't feel too out of place and stuff. and i think it was a great opportunity for me to be stretched, to be in a group where i had to start from scratch and make friends, and learn to socialise with different types of people.

but it was also very scary. i was feeling kind of "oh i wonder what they think of me?" most of the time. so a bit nervous about what i said and did. but i kept reminding myself that i should just be 'me' and not worry about what others think so much. so overall.. i think i was pretty true to myself, was pretty real.

but it was a struggle not to focus on'did i do or say anything wrong?' mindset. heh. but mel was really sweet, he re-assured me that i didn't have to act any different, and that people would like me for who i am. so that helped a lot too.

i think this is all good. training me to be myself, whether or not people 'approve' of me. reminding me to find my signifcance and security in God, not in man. a lesson i keep on having to review many times in my life so far!


take me as I am
I lay down all I thought I should be
and I give up my walls of pride
hoping love will find me
take me as I am
never good enough to be loved
so I lived with my pain inside
trusting You will find me

and can it be that You love me this way?
You never ask me to be more than I could be
No more trying to be someone
And can it be?

in the mirror all I saw was that I never measured up
I couldn't like myself so how could I understand Your love?
and I thought love was something bought, by being someone I was not
How could I know?
all You ask is that I let You love me

and can it be that You love me this way?
You never ask me to be more than I could be
No more trying to be someone
And can it be?

=)