what will the future bring?

watching the news and seeing the newspapers frightens me. terrorist attacks, plane scares, bombings, threats of tsunamis, war in Israel... all these things are happening all around us. and i know i shouldn't be afraid at all. i mean, the King of the Universe Himself is watching over me, and loves me. what need i fear?

yet sometimes i am overcome by fear. and i bury my head in the pillow and ask God to protect my heart and mind and to help me to trust Him more, and to protect me from all these things.

last week my sunday school class did psalm 1 (we're doing a different psalm each week) and i was struck by the words that "Blessed" is that man who meditates on God's law. it got me thinking about what 'blessed' really means. i dun think it means blessed with wealth and prosperity etc... but does it mean health? being loved? safety? and if so, what about those people who going through so much persecution, hardship and heartbreak? many of them love God and follow Him whole-heartedly. yet i would find it hard to call their lives 'blessed'.

i know that just having that relationship with God is a HUGE blessing. but sometimes i wonder... if a gun was aimed at my head, or at my loved ones, would i be able to still say that i choose to believe in God, to die for Him? sometimes i feel like i would, other times i feel ashamed to say i might just give in.

it's scary to realise just how weak your faith really is. how fragile our hearts are. how easily we can be swayed by our emotions.

i really dunno what the future brings. i dunno how 'safe' Singapore will continue to be. i don't know that I won't contract some terminal disease and die next month. i don't know that mel and i will live 'happily ever after' and enjoy years of marriage together. i don't know that my parents will be here to see their grandchild born. i don't know... so many things...

yet in spite of all this uncertainty, all this gloom and doom.. i am encouraged through the Psalm that we did today - Psalm 139 (see below). i still feel fearful many times, but these words are a reminder to me that He knows what i am feeling; He understands and He knows what lies ahead.

after all, that's why 'faith' is called 'FAITH'.

Psalm 139:1-17

O LORD, You have searched me and You know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue, You know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in - behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, to lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?

Where can I flee from Your presence?

If I go up the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You.

For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise You because I am fearfully (to inspire others to fear God) and wonderfully (distinct, unique) made; Your works are wonderful (extraordinary), I know that full well.

My frame was bit hidden from You when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!