my heart is full

it was a very memorable new year's eve. as my family went to church together, as we sat in the pews, i recounted all the blessings i have had this past year. how rich and fulfilling and eventful my life has been! yes, there have been so many ruts in the road, personal frustrations or hurts, conflicts at work etc... but yet there is so SO much to give thanks for!

at the last minute, my friend james asked me and mel to be part of the candle-bearers to stand in the aisle during the last song. i thought, why not?

but God is pretty amazing. by sheer 'coincidence', i was positioned smack right in the middle of the sanctuary! so as i stood there with my candle aglow, i could see all the faces of people around me... the whole stage... it was a very good place to be for that last song.

then right after the stroke of midnight, the sunday school carollers got up to sing. the candle bearers were told to come to the front of the stage and stand facing the carollers. so i was right in the middle watching them sing.

these are the kids for whom i slogged late into the night 3 meta camps ago, to make the musical Point of Grace possible. these are the kids who caused my white hair to increase =b and my idealistic visions of ministry to decrease =b these are the kids whose parents repeatedly asked me, does my son/daughter REALLY need to be there for all the practices?

and yet...

these are the kids who have grown up into young men and women - the nex generation of my church! these are the men and women who have shared their lives with me; some more than others - their loves lost and won, parental pressures, what to do after the A's... these are people who have helped me continue to believe in the power of friendships, the need to have childlike faith that God CAN do the impossible, the friends who have brought so much joy and meaning into my life.

i am SO proud of them.

i saw cherlyn taking the lead. cherlyn conducting them with great joy on her face, encouraging them to smile more, smile more! i remember doing that, not so long ago. now the baton has been passed.

as i watched them sing, i couldn't help but feel that great sense of pride that, once, i have been a part of their lives. once, i have had a hand in molding them to who they are today.

that same moment, God gently reminded me that it wasn't about me making an impact, but that He wanted to show me that He has used me. that He has been good in allowing me to be a part of this, and to see the fruits of that labour. that all glory goes to Him.

i truly am so amazed at all the Lord has done. like the Psalmist, i will give thanks to Him, because His love endures forever; what great things He has done!

so, as 2006 came to an end, and 2007, the year of much change, came into being, i found myself speechless, tearful, thankful and hopeful about all that is to come, and all that He has led me through.

Give thanks. =)