very overdue blog

i'd better blog or i'll forget stuff.

it's been a really emotional ride.

i remember being so upset when i first found out i was leading turt. i didn't want to lead, and i ESPECIALLY didn't want to lead a team to thailand. i was quite frustrated about things and felt so alone and helpless and misunderstood.

but God has been slowly changing my heart. as we prayed for Thailand, as i spent time with the students, as i began to see my own strengths and weaknesses more, He has helped me to overcome some of my fears. He has been so faithful to me.

the band has been hard at work preparing for their concert program. i am so darn proud of them! they have put in 110% effort, and more! always cheerful, always willing to try things out, always giving their best... i really love them to bits. haha... even call them my darlings and ducklings sometimes =b *cringe*

but really, it's been a joy. thank You God for such a wonderful bunch.

God has also encouraged me so much to see them succeed. i was really fearful at the beginning that i would mess up, or be a bad band director, like unable to direct them effectively. but He gave me the words to say when i was lost, He encouraged me by their humility, and He has really pulled this program together!

along the way, He has also shown me where i fall short. how my love for people is so puny in comparison to His perfect love. i saw that many times i was 'fighting' for attention from my seniors. like how i want to be appreciated, to be encouraged. like how i envy others who can lead better than me, or who are more skilled than me. and how i can take their comments personally and hold a grudge.

yes, God is shaping me too.

i guess the 2 most important lessons for me are:

1. i am who i am by God's grace.

Your grace has found me just as I am, empty handed but alive in Your hands!

2. i need to dwell on God more. to rest in Him.

not just to read the Bible or pray a prayer, but to really... bask in Him. to take little snippets of the day to think about Him, to process how He has been showing me things... to just enjoy Him.

it's very hard for me to do cos i like doing stuff, and getting things DONE. but He is slowly helping me to remember to rest more.


so. we leave for thailand on sunday morning. i'm all packed! haha... tomorrow i'll update more on my roles, so you can pray for me =b thanks!