Finding myself

i got back today from a 4D3N retreat. first thing i did was plonk down on my comfy bed and disppear into dreamland =b haha... but i'm up now...

it was a great time. i feel like it's been a really intensive few days of getting to know myself a lot better and getting to know the people i work with every day. in the middle of the retreat, my colleague had to leave to welcome his new baby boy into the world! i'm sure it was all quite exciting for him! anyway, his baby is really really adorable... =D aw... so cutie...

heh heh

we spent a lot of time engaged in various team-building games. it was really cool. i wouldn't have thought you could learn anything of importance or lasting value through a game, but surprise, surprise! every single game has taught me so much about myself, how i work, how my team mates work. as the trainer put it - we reveal so much of ourselves of ourselves in games.

i've realised that i'm really a follower. i mean, i've always known that i'm not exactly the leader-kind of person, but i've seen how i'm kind of a chameleon. like, when things are going ok, and it doesn't depend on me to make a crucial decision, i choose to fade into the background and be more reserved. like, i wouldn't suggest something that would 'rock the boat'. but when the situation calls for it - like when we had a puzzle that we were struggling to solve, i would be more upfront about offering suggestions.

i was quite upset with myself at first when i discovered that. like, why am i so afraid to rock the boat? why do i fear opening my mouth to voice my opinion, even when it's not a controversial one? why do i choose silence?

well... i spent some time thinking about it. at the same time, i was reading this book called "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud. although the book has little direct relation to particular issue, it did encourage me to think about my past. and i realised that all my insecurity and fears can be traced back to an event that happened a long time ago... in primary six.

i won't say it 'scarred' me for life - it's not that bad. but it defintely had haunted me down the years without me realising it. and i'm glad that i have God to help me overcome it. i'm happy that the environment i am in now is so nurturing and encouraging (thanks to my wonderful colleagues!) and that really helps me to deal with it.

i thank God for helping me to see myself in a clearer light, and i trust that he will help me deal with the remnants of that long-ago incident. it really makes all the difference - remembering that I am so loved and precious to Him. that i have worth as an individual.

looking forward to discovering more about myself and the rest of the team in the days ahead. please pray for us! =)

thank you

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong
They are weak, but he is strong

yes, Jesus loves me
yes, jesus loves me
yes, jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so!