* Daddy's little girl *: solitude

i had a day of rest today. really treasure the time alone, and with the space and time to spend uninterrupted time with my heavenly Daddy, and to people-watch.

i spent most of the day at Mac Cafe at Parkway, buried into my new journal and occassionally poking up my head up to watch the world go by. thought i'd share some bits from my journaling here... =)

"I'm constantly in danger of losing myself. like a chameleon, i tend to bow to expectations. Who is dotz?

Over-sensitive bundle of emotions, just waiting to spill out. fear of speaking out sometimes, of being criticised, of being scoffed at for my naivety. wanting to giggle at the most inappriopriate moments. wanting ot be in control, yet afraid to make decisions that are unpopular.

relishing and cherishing every symbol of love - Christmas cards, pass-it-on notes, presents, gift boxes, smses, photographs, memories...

Lord this is me."

"You are the Author of my life. You are writing my life story, my love story. my eternal story. You are above and beyond me, yet within me and all around me. You are all-seeing and knowing, yet extending that unfathomable freedom of choice to me, knowing what i will choose."

i was reminded of the term 'boundary lines' - from Psalms 16 - a psalm that i read while in Japan on mission trip four years ago. i haven't really read it since. but i thought i'd go read it again.

so many thoughts rushed through my mind as i was reading it.

v6 - Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup,

"Indeed you have assigned me my portion and my cup. a few years ago, i would have no inkling that one day i might be sitting here. You are the one who led me to Campus Crusade. to Japan, to becoming a DGL. to discovering the roots of Christianity. To ForeRunner. First as an audience member, then as a performer, and now as a staff, a member of the family. to Thailand, to China, to CBMC."

i feel peaceful that, although i still don't know quite what the future holds for me... i feel assured that "I will not be shaken" because God is with me and he has and will continue to "make known to me the path of life".

and yes... i do feel peace when i think about going full time. apprehensive too, as i do fear the responsibilities and expectations and many checkouts i would have to face... but if i do make that decision, i know that God will be my strength and refuge. no promises yet though... =b

v2 - I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing."

oh yeah, and i scanned in my photos!!! so here's a few really cool shots. i like...

my beloved babies... haha... well, they're not really mine...