refreshed and renewed vision

i'm back =)

touched down at 11:30pm last night, after a looooong triple-plane ride. i watched 6 movies, ate 4 meals and 2 snacks and read 1 mag. heh... and slept... about 2 hours. =b

my parents and mel were at the airport =) it was so great to see them!

couldn't sleep when i got back =b so i only went to sleep about 3am, and got up today at 6PM. heh... sigh... this jet-lag is gonna take some time...

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i had a really wonderful time with God on wednesday. He really met me where i needed Him to, and reassured my heart so personally, that i feel so encouraged. here's some bits and pieces from my retreat with God:

General structure (based on the seminar i attended last week on "Making wise choices":
1. thanksgiving
2. evaluating emotions
3. evaluating pros and cons of decision
4. read a passage, write down thoughts, reflect on these thoughts
5. make a decision, surrender plans to God


(after a time of thanksgiving and reflecting)
"Lord, from this list i see so many material things that i am thankful for. that in itself is not wrong, God. But more than that, I pray that my heart would treasure You and all Your virtues, Your blessings and Your mercies - more than the things of this world. i desire that You be the treasure of my heart."

turn your eyes upon Jesus

look full in His wonderful face

and the things of the earth will grow strangely dim

in the light of His glory and grace


Rejoice in the Lord always. I willo say it again: Rejoice! THE LORD IS NEAR. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:4-7

therefore there is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1, 2

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(after writing out a list of emotions i am feeling, and evaluating why i feel them and what are the root causes)

"am i being ruled by fear or by passion? by anxiety vs. joy?"

"i remember that it is not ministry that calls me but GOD.

i want to know You more
i want to love You more
i want to be that SOMEONE for everyone, not wait for everyone to be a someone for me!"

*

(decided to read the two shortest books in the Bible. just because i had a limited amount of time. so i flipped to contents page and found that the shortest books are 2 and 3 john.)

on hindsight, only God could have arranged it such that i could read this passage. in such a unique personal way, He spoke to me.

"to my chosen lady and her children"

do you know how many books in the Bible are written to women? NONE! except 2 john. it encouraged me on two levels. first, that i am a chosen servant of God's, as all His children are. this means that my life is really in His hands, that He is working all things out for me in the best way. second, God is able to give me 'children' - not just physical children, but spiritual ones, be it through people that are touched through my ministry or through my personal life. it reminded me that, as Christians, we should not 'live for the moment', but really see things from an eternal perspective, and leave a legacy for others to follow.

"and this is love: that we walk in obedience to His commands... his command is that you walk in love." (v.6)

God's primary command is for us to love Him, and others. in way Jesus loved - scarificial love, unconditional love.

"for the sake of the Name they went out"

ministry is primarily to glorify God out of love for Him. to make Him known, for His sake, to create opportunities where God can draw man closer to knowing Him.

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i decided to end my time with two passages. i had a list of possible passages to read that a speaker from the seminar had given me. so i just randomly picked two.

1. psalms 31:3

"since you are my rock and my fortress, for THE SAKE OF YOUR NAME, lead and guide me."

wow, God reiterated what i had read in 2 john. that my motive for doing ministry must be purely for His sake!

i decided to read the whole chapter.

"I will be glad and rejoice in Your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul." - v7

"my times are in your hands." - v15

"how great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in You." - v19

God is fully able to provide for all my needs.

"in my alarm, i said, 'i am cut off from your might!' yet you heard my cry for mercy when i called to You for help." - v22

"be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord."

He addressed my primary emotion of fear of the future.

my prayer:
"for the sake of Your Name, oh Lord, if i have heard wrongly or erred in my seeking of You, turn me back. Forgive me for the depravity of my heart. lead and guide me, do not let my foot stumble."

2. john 21

like Peter, God, i am such an emotional person. oh, it's so amazing how You have led me to read this! there are so many things in this passage that directly minister to me.

>>> like peter, i feel like i am in a boat and you are on land. and this peter, who could not swim when you first knew him (remember him sinking in the sea when he tried to walk on the water to Jesus?), actually jumped into the water and swam to You when He saw you again! what passion, what love.

Lord, am i capable of that? can i trust You to help me stay afloat in a stormy sea? are You asking me to trust You and step out into the unknown?

>>> peter was such a klutz, always saying and doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. i am reminded of what i saw in the musical the rock and the rabbi. how like peter i am! but, as is illustrated two times through Jesus' encounters with Peter, Lord You provide the fish.

ministry is only as good as You want it to be. it doesn't depend on me. it depends only on You, providing the fish, drawing them into the net. without You, we labour in vain.

>>> the disciples kinda knew that He was God, but they wanted to ask "Who are you?" like them, i dare ask no longer, God. i dare not doubt Your call for me yet again. what a doubter i am. i look back and see how many times You have reassured me that this path i have taken is right, and yet i keep on questioning myself and my heart. let me just simply trust You and not keep asking for more and more assurance!

>>> when peter said that He loved Jesus, He told him to feed his sheep/lambs. that is my response, too, Lord. help me to love you so much that it overflows into ministry, as i seek to love the lost sheep out there, and to build up those in the fold.

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i am astounded. =)