a day that spoke to my heart

today was an amazing day. no, i haven't quite got all the answers to all the questions that i'm looking for... but still - God met me in a very real and personal way.

last night we had small group sharing among the singapore staff, and we each shared what was the most memorable part of the conference so far, and what God is teaching us through our sessions here. (i shared about the hoyt video)

one of the girls (Myl) shared a really cool story of how she had been missing her cat (she loves cats!) and how she had woken up feeling so depressed and had prayed for God to send a cat her way that day. for those of u who dunno, over here in the states, stray animals sightings have been REALLY rare... and when u do see one, it's usually a dog.

so anyway... she felt pretty silly praying that, but she did anyway. and in the evening, God did bring a cat across her path! ini a really amazing way. what happened was that she had planned to have a retreat with a friend, K, in the afternoon, but they got caught up with shopping, so by the time they got back to the house it was late afternoon already.

so they busied themselves making and packing a picnic of sandwiches and cup noodles and drinks and eggs and sausages (wow, a feast!) and left for a nearby lake to have their retreat.

but as they were walking there, the wind started to blow really strongly... and they could feel droplets of rain beginning to fall. but K really wanted to go to the lake, so Myl just followed along...

when they got there, it was seriously drizzling. people were like leaving the park or taking out umbrellas... haha, but these two cuties just defied all wind and weather and sat down to their picnic.

eventually the rain died down to a lighter drizzle, so they moved out to the lake's edge to continue eating. and then, lo and behold, Myl saw this black lithe figure lopping along behind a girl and walking across the park in the distance!

as they got nearer, she saw that it was a CAT! oh man... but she was feleing paiseh about going up to touch the cat, even though she had been wanting to do that for days..

it was only when K really egged her on, even shouting at her to "run after it!" that she ran... and she did meet up with the cat, and she got to hug and stroke it, and she got to speak to the owner, who turned out to be a Japanese studying here.

this is the really cool part - God gave Myl a chance to share her faith with this girl! i mean, sure the conditions weren't exactly ideal, and i'm pretty certain she didn't have a 4SL with her, but she got to share that she's here at a Christian conference, and that she believes in God, and that her seeing the cat and getting to touch it was an answered prayer!

the girl is pretty open to hearing more, so do pray for Myl as she has arranged to meet up with this girl, Nori, tomorrow (tuesday) afternoon to share more.

as i heard this story, i was so moved that, once again, God has shown that He is a God of all our happenings in life - big or small. that He truly and deeply cares about our smallest fear or concern, and that He really understands what we need.

Myl felt loved by God as she saw Him answer that prayer and provide that divine encounter in such a cool way! and for me, that story inspired me to really be bold and ask God to give me the answers i so desperately need in the next few days.

and God has not disappointed me!

today as i walked to moby gym with joy, i was sharing with her some of my concerns and doubts and fears, and i was rally encouraged that she said she'd be praying for me.

so as i entered the hall for the session, i just prayed that God would speak to me so so clearly, that i would know that whatever i hear is NOT a figment of my imagination, but really from Him.

you know what? God sure has a sense of humour...

the speaker for today was joe stowell. and for the life of me, i can't remember how he began his message. but what i do remember, is God's special way of getting thru to me! somewhere within those first 5 minutes of his message, joe said "I hope i'm connecting the dots."

maybe i was sleepy. or distracted. or just plain deaf. but you know... i heard this: "I hope i'm connecting to dotz."

don't laugh =b

anyway it felt like a surreal moment. i thought "huh?!" it was like God was telling me - hey! listen up!

a split second later i realised that he couldn't have said what i thought he had said, and that he had said the former statement. but that realisation didn't dampen the joy that i felt the rest of the session. i was certain that i had divinely misheard the speaker!

anyway... guess what the rest of the session was on. the past few days have been on God - the God of grace, God of hope, God of peace. and today... today was just a totally different topic! (we aren't given the main session topics beforehand so every day is a surprise)

so. today's topic was on "Following Christ". not just the message by stowell, but also the hour plus musical "The Rabbi adn the Rock" which was performed after that. (it was a really amazing rendition of Peter's story)

wow. how relevant is that! throughout the morning, i felt that God is telling me to trust Him. like how Peter trusted God to come out of the boat during the storm, but then saw the rocking waves and dark skies above and started to sink, but was pulled up again by Jesus.

i feel like Peter. i can SO identify with him! i, too, am rash, am impetuous, am emotional. i mean well, but say the wrong things. or do the wrong things. i, too, have denied Christ so often, for fear of losing face. not in the same way as Peter perhaps, but in other ways. like not sharing Christ with the person next to me on the plane, when i feel the prompting to do so. or not offering to pray for a non-Christian friend who is hurting because i am afraid of what she will think, whether she will be offended.

but, like Peter, i realise that God has given me so many second chances in my life! and He keeps giving them. He really loves me not for what i can do for him, but for just being me, and He just wants me to love him.

whether or not i go full-time still matters. the choice is still important. but today's session assured me that, what should be a key factor in my decision, is my love for God. sure, God has given me passions and talents, and these help to point me in the way i should go. but also i have to examine my heart and see if i am doing this for God or simply out of duty because He has given me these things.

it's quite a fine line for me, to distinguish between these two. but i hope that as i continue to pray and listen out for Him, that i will have an answer soon.

i am trusting God to make things clear before the end of this conference. =) to cement my faith in Him as i make this important decision. to help me certain of His calling, despite the uncertainty of the days ahead.