open the eyes of my heart, Lord

last night was spent with dear mel... sharing all that i have seen, felt, heard at lausanne, then a delicious olua (fried oyster omelette) and beef kway teow dinner at east coast hawker centre... and finally a stroll along the beach, the sharing of our hearts and feelings, and a time of prayer.

a simple night, but a milestone in our lives.

thank you, mel, for your gentle and patient ways, not judging me, yet speaking your mind. thank you for showing me my self-centeredness, my impatience, my immaturity. and for loving me despite all that. i really don't deserve it, but then we both don't deserve the grace of God which He shows to us. so, thank you for being an example of that grace to me.

i'm excited to hear your own heart for the lost, and excited and hopeful about our future. =)

thank You, God, for assuring me that You truly do see my heart's desire for Japan. You DO care. i can see that You care. so many small things to assure me - driving past the japanese school when the bus came back to Singapore and me looking out of the window at just the right moment, seeing victor online last night (staff serving in Japan) and hearing from him, finding out this afternoon that a fellow staff is also hoping to go to Japan, and getting a possible japanese language school contact from her. Wow.

thank You for being patient with me too. in my reflections this morning, i was just asking God to please show me how to reconcile my feelings for japan, and the fact that i need to let Him put me where He wants me to be, not go where i want to be. and God brought to mind two stories - the story of Jonah, and the life of Paul.

Jonah, because like him, i feel that i am being asked to go to a country that i don't want to go to, and yet God wants me to go in faith, because He created them, loves them and grieves for them. continue to soften my heart Lord. i know that if i go in obedience, it pleases You.

Paul, because his was a wandering ministry - in the sense that he travelled from country to country, with no place to really call 'home'. From his letters, I see how he longed to be in certain places many times, yet he chose to submit that desire to God, and follow wherever God led him to. May i have that kind of faith, Lord, to be faithful to Your direction, and not to act in my own will and strength.

and i believe that the renewed passion you have given me for Japan is also not without cause. may i be a prayer warrior for this nation. Oh Lord, open my eyes to see the needs of this nation. Rend my heart to pray, to stand in the gap for this land. may i not trample down this passion simply because i don't know where you will send me - rather, let me steward this passion with my prayers.

be patient with me. purify my heart.