i am so confused.

well, today's cell group was the most interesting, relevant, important, openly-debated, frustrating and satisfying one of my life! =b

we are currently doing a book study of romans. i had to miss a lot of the front part (romans 1-7), so i don't know what those discussions were like. but today... oh man... it blew my mind off, cos i've thought so much about it and we've talked so much about it, and i feel like everyone's learnt a lot, but still... the question remains the same: how to reconcile the concept of God's sovereignity and man's free will?


i thought i understood - or at least had my own understanding of it. but apparently i don't. hmmm...

For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom he predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified." Romans 8:29

so, according to the calvinistic thread of thought, then some of us are chosen and some are not. it is God who chooses, and only these are called, justified and glorified.

but then...

ok, after thinking alot and listening to my cell members share, i came my personal conviction that, since the fact that God 'elects' some is mentioned so frequently in the Bible, that validates that fact. man does have free will, but his nature is such that he will not choose God, unless God has chosen him first and predisposed him to respond.

yet man's making of that decision is known by God. God knows that he will respond in that way because He has made him that way. so... at any given time, God is sovereignly in control, but from man's perspective, we have the freedom to choose.

but then, why did God make people whom He knew He would not choose?

"(God)... desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge (recognition) of the truth." 1 Tim 2:4

so God, being a loving God, loves his creation and wants everyone to be saved.

so... huh? how can a loving God then choose then some of his creation be chosen for eternal glory, while others are 'doomed' to eternal suffering? i mean, this doesn't affect my stance towards evangelism (1. it's a command; 2. God uses people to fulfil His purposes; and 3. We are told to lay up treasures in heaven), but it really challenges the notion of an all-loving God.

maybe i have the wrong concept of 'love'?

or maybe God 'desires' all men to be saved, but the doesn't choose to save them all? but then it must be because of some reason, because He is God, so He can surely save them all if He wants to? So do we just take it as He has some reason for doing so, and that we as humans are simply unable to fathom the mind of God?

so yeah... i'm kind of tired right now, so maybe that's not quite ALL that was said on the topic. but i'm praying that God will help me to understand this issue more clearly. yet, i do recognise that some things are just too far above our intellect and world system to accurately perceive, so maybe this is one of them...

care to share?