God is teaching me to wait on Him

I am learning. Learning to trust God more and walk with Him a step at a time.

Have been asking myself and God many questions about the future over the past 3 days. And grappling with different verses that i have read during my quiet time. so... i wouldn't say i'm 'out of the woods' yet, but for the first time, i am enjoying this process of 'struggle', as God is showing me how He can really use anything and everything and everyone to speak His words of rebuke, comfort, encouragement to me.

what lies ahead, just around the bend? God, You know.

"if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul" - Mark 8:34-36

this verse plagued me for several days. but God has slowly allowed me to see it in a new light. i don't know how to explain it, so i won't try too hard. suffice to say, it might not be as literal as i often think it is. God wants me to desire His will for my life most, and to believe that is will is good, and to live that life joyfully.

today i read the story about the healing of a boy. Mark 9:14-29

i was really struck by the man's words and Jesus' response:

"Jesus asked the boy's father, 'How long has he been like this?'

'From childhood,' he answered. 'It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.'

'If you can?' said Jesus. 'Everything is possible for him who believes.'

Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.' "


I feel like i am very much like that man, searching for help (and guidance in my case), and yet full of doubts as to whether God can do it, whether i will recognise when God is doing it, whether i am really able to receive His guidance or submit to His plan, whether i am really submitted.

Lord, help me overcome my unbelief!

today's training session also helped shed light on my struggle.

"God raises people for Himself, not for His ministry."

i feel that God has given me an answer, and yet, i know that He is still in the midst of giving me the FULL answer, and convicting me that it is truly from Him. i am excited and anxious as i go through this process of discovery.