love waits

just watched the leap years with mel (he's out today!) it was really beautiful, both in story and in scene. i love the artistry of some of the shots, and i REALLY love watching wong li lin. i might not agree with all her philosophies on life, but i do admire her acting and her beauty.

it was really touching, and i had tears in my eyes at quite a few points in the film. poignant - that's the word.

for me, the main message of the film was that "true love is worth waiting for". i could really identify with some of the feelings she went through, in longing to be loved, and yet not giving in to being attached for the sake of being attached, and the struggle of that. of course i had it much easier than her character in the film =b

last night was a tough night work-wise for me, so enjoying this romantic love story was a great way to end this day of recovery. =)

what goes down must come up =)

thankful to all my dear friends who have or are concerned about my current mood.

i won't say i'm feeling WONDERFUL just yet, but i definitely feel better than last week. =)

i'm sorry it's a bit hard to explain or pinpoint why i feel this way, but i guess there are 3 main components:

1. mel is in camp for 3 weeks. he comes out on alternate days

2. frustrations and conflicts that are mostly inside-my-head-only this past week

3. feeling spiritually dry and disconnected from God. i've honestly never felt this way before, so it feels very troubling and frustrating and sad and confusing... just feeling like the 'line was cut' or something. and being the impatient sort, i want it to be all ok and restored NOW. but it's not... so just waiting.



"For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth, and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; so shall my word be which goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, without accomplishing what i desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it. For you will go out with joy, and be led forth with peace."
Isaiah 55:10-12

i am feeling...

misunderstood

unappreciated

frustrated

disappointed

irritated

stressed

grouchy

unloving

unlovable too

selfish

proud

sad

grateful

loved

abandoned

confused

blah

but i am OK.

*wry smile*

so small

What you got if you ain't got love
the kind that you just want to give away
It's okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

-- carrie underwood

becoming beautiful

last night i witnessed something really beautiful. we were doing a concert on campus, and some of the girls from Andrew & Grace Home were there to perform as well.

what moved me the most was knowing that each of these girls have probably gone through more difficulties in life than i have experienced, both in their personal life and family life, and yet there they were, standing strong, taking steps to get back on the road to true life, overcoming addictions, discovering their value and worth, overcoming adversity.

somehow it brought to mind the analogy of a jewel, so i couldn't wait to blog it this morning!



some cool facts to know:

1. diamonds are formed when carbon bearing materials undergo lots of pressure, eg. in volcanic regions. it's really not easy to make a diamond. (although nowadays there are machines that can emulate the high pressure that would otherwise take hundreds of years to take effect.) but look at coal, how black and ugly and shapeless it is, and think of how much work, time and effort was needed to make that diamond solitaire around your neck or on your ring! likewise, i believe the girls, and in fact all of us, have gone through difficulties in life, big or small, that will 'pressure' us to become beautiful jewels in time.

2. diamond is the hardest known natural substance. In fact, a diamond can only be scratched by other diamonds. to me that reminds me that we can only shape and be an encouragement to each other as much as we ourselves have already been shaped and encouraged.

3. the best diamonds are colourless. The more 'coloured' the diamond is, the more impurities are present in the stone. the more colourless the diamond, the more dense it is - implying the higher the pressure it has endured. so it's really not easy to become a beautiful, pure gem.

4. diamonds are of great value. IE expensive. (i'm sure the guys would agree. heh heh) in contrast to coal, which most of us have bought at one time or another for a weekend bbq, and cost a minute fraction of the price. kind of ironic, considering it's just a few hundred years and lots of pressure that's creating this price difference! all this to say, i'm reminded that what may seem worthless or cheap in its original state actually has GREAT POTENTIAL to become that beautiful, shining and valuable jewel, like many of these young girls have become.



i'd like to think that i am a 'diamond in process'. I might not be colourless and perfectly shaped and shining just yet, but I know I am getting there, slowly but surely, and one day I will realize the true value of who I am, and who I have had the potential to be since the very beginning. and yet I know that even though I am not 'there' yet, I already have intrinsic value, just because of that God-given potential in me. =)

sparkling on...