Monday, February 28, 2005

such a busy day!

busy busy busy busy day...

oh man, i've had NO TIME to think! in the midst of so many meetings, deadlines to meet, decisions to make, articles to write... yada yada yada...

man!!!

i'm going nutz =b

haiz...

and have checkout for my devo tomorrow, and didn't manage to look at it today... a long night ahead i guess =b

oh well. but on the other hand, something v exciting happened today too!

my friend's company had a one-day deal for ipod mini. arghhh... and i just LOVE the mini, so pretty and small and girlie and would be great entertainment for my one-hour bus rides to work. so... after multiple trips to the toilet to think, and running circles around the inside of my head, i decided i want the ipod more than the birkenstocks. heh... yup, so on saturday, i will be clutching my pretty pretty blue ipod mini =D

just sharing my joy... =)

it cost $299. which means i can't shop for like 2-3 months at least... cos i wanna save =b but it's ok, i will survive.

here it is... my precioussss...

Sunday, February 27, 2005

by my side, through it all... thank You God

thanks to those of you who prayed for my meeting yesterday. it went really well... turned out to be a pretty amazing night =)


You are forever in my life

You see me through the seasons

cover me with Your hands

and lead me in Your righteousness

and i look to You

and i wait on You


i'll sing to You Lord a hymn of love

for Your steadfast love to me

i'm carried in everlasting arms

You'll never let me go

through it all...

Saturday, February 26, 2005

The Choice - Max Lucado

i got this in the mail, and it's really so touching. truly God has given us such a priceless gift - choice! and yet we bicker and argue over whose right it is and why life is unfair... just gave me a newer perspective on the sovereignity of God vs free choice debate.

* * *

Why do I want to do bad?” my daughter asked me, unknowingly posing a question asked by many seekers of truth. “Why do I do the thing I hate? What is this ape that gibbers within?” Or, perhaps a more basic question is being asked. “If sin separates me from God, why doesn’t God separate me from sin? Why doesn’t he remove from me the option to sin?”


To answer that, let’s go to the beginning.

Let’s go to the Garden and see the seed that both blessed and cursed. Let’s see why God gave man … the choice.


Behind it all was a choice. A deliberate decision. An informed move. He didn’t have to do it. But he chose to. He knew the price. He saw the implications. He was aware of the consequences.


We don’t know when he decided to do it. We can’t know. Not just because we weren’t there. Because time was not there. When did not exist. Nor did tomorrow or yesterday or next time. For there was no time.


We don’t know when he thought about making the choice. But we do know that he made it. He didn’t have to do it. He chose to.


He chose to create.


“In the beginning God created … ”


With one decision, history began. Existence became measurable.


Out of nothing came light.


Out of light came day.


Then came sky … and earth.


And on this earth? A mighty hand went to work.


Canyons were carved. Oceans were dug. Mountains erupted out of flatlands. Stars were flung. A universe sparkled.


Our sun became just one of millions. Our galaxy became just one of thousands. Planets invisibly tethered to suns roared through space at breakneck speeds. Stars blazed with heat that could melt our planet in seconds.


The hand behind it was mighty. He is mighty.


And with this might, he created. As naturally as a bird sings and a fish swims, he created. Just as an artist can’t not paint and a runner can’t not run, he couldn’t not create. He was the Creator. Through and through, he was the Creator. A tireless dreamer and designer.


From the pallet of the Ageless Artist came inimitable splendors. Before there was a person to see it, his creation was pregnant with wonder. Flowers didn’t just grow; they blossomed. Chicks weren’t just born; they hatched. Salmons didn’t just swim; they leaped.


Mundaneness found no home in his universe.


He must have loved it. Creators relish creating. I’m sure his commands were delightful! “Hippo, you won’t walk … you’ll waddle!” “Hyena, a bark is too plain. Let me show you how to laugh!” “Look, raccoon, I’ve made you a mask!” “Come here, giraffe, let’s stretch that neck a bit.” And on and on he went. Giving the clouds their puff. Giving the oceans their blue. Giving the trees their sway. Giving the frogs their leap and croak. The mighty wed with the creative, and creation was born.


He was mighty. He was creative.


And he was love. Even greater than his might and deeper than his creativity was one all-consuming characteristic:


Love.


Water must be wet. A fire must be hot. You can’t take the wet out of water and still have water. You can’t take the heat out of fire and still have fire.


In the same way, you can’t take the love out of this One who lived before time and still have him exist. For he was … and is … Love.


Probe deep within him. Explore every corner. Search every angle. Love is all you find. Go to the beginning of every decision he has made and you’ll find it. Go to the end of every story he has told and you’ll see it.


Love.


No bitterness. No evil. No cruelty. Just love. Flawless love. Passionate love. Vast and pure love. He is love.


As a result, an elephant has a trunk with which to drink. A kitten has a mother from which to nurse. A bird has a nest in which to sleep. The same God who was mighty enough to carve out the canyon is tender enough to put hair on the legs of the Matterhorn Fly to keep it warm. The same force that provides symmetry to the planets guides the baby kangaroo to its mother’s pouch before the mother knows it is born.


And because of who he was, he did what he did.


He created a paradise. A sinless sanctuary. A haven before fear. A home before there was a human dweller. No time. No death. No hurt. A gift built by God for his ultimate creation. And when he was through, he knew “it was very good.”


But it wasn’t enough.


His greatest work hadn’t been completed. One final masterpiece was needed before he would stop.


Look to the canyons to see the Creator’s splendor. Touch the flowers and see his delicacy. Listen to the thunder and hear his power. But gaze on this—the zenith—and witness all three … and more.


Imagine with me what may have taken place on that day.


He placed one scoop of clay upon another until a form lay lifeless on the ground.


All of the Garden’s inhabitants paused to witness the event. Hawks hovered. Giraffes stretched. Trees bowed. Butterflies paused on petals and watched.


“You will love me, nature,” God said. “I made you that way. You will obey me, universe. For you were designed to do so. You will reflect my glory, skies, for that is how you were created. But this one will be like me. This one will be able to choose.”


All were silent as the Creator reached into himself and removed something yet unseen. A seed. “It’s called ‘choice.’ The seed of choice.”


Creation stood in silence and gazed upon the lifeless form.


An angel spoke, “But what if he … ”


“What if he chooses not to love?” the Creator finished. “Come, I will show you.”


Unbound by today, God and the angel walked into the realm of tomorrow.


“There, see the fruit of the seed of choice, both the sweet and the bitter.”


The angel gasped at what he saw. Spontaneous love. Voluntary devotion. Chosen tenderness. Never had he seen anything like these. He felt the love of the Adams. He heard the joy of Eve and her daughters. He saw the food and the burdens shared. He absorbed the kindness and marveled at the warmth.


“Heaven has never seen such beauty, my Lord. Truly, this is your greatest creation.”


“Ah, but you’ve only seen the sweet. Now witness the bitter.”


A stench enveloped the pair. The angel turned in horror and proclaimed, “What is it?”


The Creator spoke only one word: “Selfishness.”


The angel stood speechless as they passed through centuries of repugnance. Never had he seen such filth. Rotten hearts. Ruptured promises. Forgotten loyalties. Children of the creation wandering blindly in lonely labyrinths.


“This is the result of choice?” the angel asked.


“Yes.”


“They will forget you?”


“Yes.”


“They will reject you?”


“Yes.”


“They will never come back?”


“Some will. Most won’t.”


“What will it take to make them listen?”


The Creator walked on in time, further and further into the future, until he stood by a tree. A tree that would be fashioned into a cradle. Even then he could smell the hay that would surround him.


With another step into the future, he paused before another tree. It stood alone, a stubborn ruler of a bald hill. The trunk was thick, and the wood was strong. Soon it would be cut. Soon it would be trimmed. Soon it would be mounted on the stony brow of another hill. And soon he would be hung on it.


He felt the wood rub against a back he did not yet wear.


“Will you go down there?” the angel asked.


“I will.”


“Is there no other way?”


“There is not.”


“Wouldn’t it be easier to not plant the seed? Wouldn’t it be easier to not give the choice?”


“It would,” the Creator spoke slowly. “But to remove the choice is to remove the love.”


He looked around the hill and foresaw a scene. Three figures hung on three crosses. Arms spread. Heads fallen forward. They moaned with the wind.


Men clad in soldiers’ garb sat on the ground near the trio. They played games in the dirt and laughed.


Men clad in religion stood off to one side. They smiled. Arrogant, cocky. They had protected God, they thought, by killing this false one.


Women clad in sorrow huddled at the foot of the hill. Speechless. Faces tear streaked. Eyes downward. One put her arm around another and tried to lead her away. She wouldn’t leave. “I will stay,” she said softly. “I will stay.”


All heaven stood to fight. All nature rose to rescue. All eternity poised to protect. But the Creator gave no command.


“It must be done … ,” he said, and withdrew.


But as he stepped back in time, he heard the cry that he would someday scream: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He wrenched at tomorrow’s agony.


The angel spoke again. “It would be less painful … ”


The Creator interrupted softly. “But it wouldn’t be love.”


They stepped into the Garden again. The Maker looked earnestly at the clay creation. A monsoon of love swelled up within him. He had died for the creation before he had made him. God’s form bent over the sculptured face and breathed. Dust stirred on the lips of the new one. The chest rose, cracking the red mud. The cheeks fleshened. A finger moved. And an eye opened.


But more incredible than the moving of the flesh was the stirring of the spirit. Those who could see the unseen gasped.


Perhaps it was the wind who said it first. Perhaps what the star saw that moment is what has made it blink ever since. Maybe it was left to an angel to whisper it:


“It looks like … it appears so much like … it is him!”


The angel wasn’t speaking of the face, the features, or the body. He was looking inside—at the soul.


“It’s eternal!” gasped another.


Within the man, God had placed a divine seed. A seed of his self. The God of might had created earth’s mightiest. The Creator had created, not a creature, but another creator. And the One who had chosen to love had created one who could love in return.


Now it’s our choice.

Friday, February 25, 2005

fantastic friday

woke up at 6am today to get to office early and do my assignment =b thank God I finished it on time man! hee hee

the day was pretty good and constructive, work wise. also had a great hour of worship with the team. every time i play with them i am humbled at how little i know about playing in a band. i have a long ways to go... but it's good =) feel like having the right attitude helps me not to get too upset about criticism when its constructive. in fact i feelt privileged to be having this learning opportunity.

friday night is granny night, so all the cousins and aunties and uncles meet at gran's for dinner =) tonight watched a dvd with my two cousins - princess mononoke. it's really quite a sweet story. jap stories have such interesting plots. haha =b

the middle bits were a tad boring... but really loved most of it. and happy endings make me happy =D

oh yes, i'm feeling TONS better. =) thanks to all those who were praying. for those who didn't know, i had food poisoning, followed by gastric. haiz... not a good experience... but made me appreciate me health a whole lot more =b

tomorrow i'm having a rather important meeting. please pray that God would give us wisdom and discernment in whatever is discussed. appreciate you!

Thursday, February 24, 2005

stress...

haiz... i have an assignment due tomorrow morning and i forgot to bring home the relevant material. oh man... *stress* dunno how...

i guess tomorrow got to go office early and do it. sorry God, for not being conscientious enuff to get it done sooner... =( lesson learnt.

better sleep early.

oh btw, this is a great site. be blessed =)
http://www.donghaeng.net/duty/duty.swf

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

ooh... my verdict!

fav dudes:

nikko smith
travis tucker
mario vasquez =)

fav dudettes:

carrie underwood
melinda iras - but she needs a makeover - fast...
nadia turner =D

still sick

thank you all of you who have been so encouraging and caring and concerned and sweet, smsing me or leaving me comments in my last post.

aw... i feel so loved =)

heh... well i'm still sick. bother... but it's not too bad.

today felt pretty terrible on the bus on the way to work and wanted to puke so badly! urghh... it's the worst physical feeling in the world i've experienced so far, to be stuck on a jam-packed, stress-laden-faces-opposite bus caught in bad traffic and feel like u want to throw up... =b eeeewww...

anyway kind mike let me stay over at his house in the morning (near to office), so i bunked there and slept like a log till 1. felt waaaay much better after that, and went to office. we're having a lot of important meetings this week which is why i really wanted to be there.

meetings went well, but then my tummy got pain again. so went back to the doctor instead of cell, and got his new verdict - Gastric! hmmm...

dunno whether i should trust him, but i give him one more chance =) hee hee...

got some weird looking ant-acid to drink. yuck. bleah...


ooh... this is totally out of point, but i'm SO excited about The Ultimate Road Trip!!! =D

ok back to watching american idol.

Monday, February 21, 2005

sick

i have food poisoning. must be from the ba kua sandwich i had for breakfast this morning =(

was feeling nauseous and headachy and tummy-pain-y from late morning, and thought that it was just a passing feeling, but then it got worse...

haiz...

i hardly EVER get sick. really. i only go to the doctor when i'm really sick. like if i have flu or cough or cold, i'll just dose myself with a variety of tried and tested formulas... so the last time i went to the doctor's was over a year ago i think. if i'm not wrong, that was also food poisoning =b

anyway... i guess it's good in a way, cos this will force me to get some rest and have space to think about alot of stuff. i have an mc for tomorrow... but see how i feel lah.

oh, oh, very important - my latest newsletter posted on the sidebar =) first attempt at indesign.

kk, dat's all. bye

my new friend =)

i made a new friend this morning! it's really cool how we met in the lift. and she was all harassed and flustered cos she was like still putting on her make-up etc in the lift. haven't really seen her before, but she looked like she needed encouragement (who doesn't?) so i smiled at her. and she smiled back! =D

so anyway we had a bit of small talk as we were waiting for the bus, and i found that she just moved over a few months back and is renting a room on the 21st floor. she has some kind of accent, but i haven't asked her where she's from yet. maybe malaysia or indonesia...


anyway she's really nice and friendly and she mentioned that's she's looking for another room to rent around the area, cos its convenient location. i suppose her current rent might be a tad high maybe... so we exchanged phone numbers and i'll keep her updated if i see any new places up for grabs.

meanwhile, i feel pretty happy that God brought this new friend across my path! it's like such a divine encounter that we actually hit it off, and i think she's about my age or only slightly older. see where the road ahead takes us huh...

Sunday, February 20, 2005

catching up

had a happy day.

managed to talk to my little choirlets a while after church and hear a bit of what's going on their lives. i'm so so proud of them! they are SO special.

also had a good heart-to-heart talk wif jamies. realise that i love these little catch-up sessions. i love knowing what's happening in my friends' lives. haha... maybe i'm somewhat of a busybody huh =b

and ended the day with a yummilicious dinner at ajisen with another friend. =) really enjoyed the ramen (spicy chashu is the best!!!) and the sharing too! and feel really full and satisfied after than.

hee hee

back to work tomorrow =) another week of learning how to depend on God's grace and strength and love Him more...

Saturday, February 19, 2005

God works in amazing ways

i really thank God for bringing this new 'friend' into my life. well not quite a friend, cos i don't know this person, but somehow was so encouraged by the things she shared on her blog. anyway, this story moved me to tears. thank you for sharing it with me!

* * *

Here’s an expert from “Learning to Love People You Don’t Like” by Floyd McClung

“When Sally was born, her mother was forty-seven years old. She already had four children from her first marriage, and when her first husband died she married a man with four of his own. Most people would have assumed she was done raising her family. But she had always wanted one of her children to be a missionary, and none of her eight kids seemed inclined in that direction. So she prayed that the Lord would send her one more.

Two days after this last little baby was born, her mother took Sally into the tiny church she attended in Galveston, Texas, laid her on the alter, and dedicated her to God. She made a vow to pray every day for her little girl, that she would hear God’s call to the mission field. That’s how certain she was that God had given Sally to her for that purpose.

One night when Sally was five years old, she awoke in the middle of the night, crying. All she could think about was a family from their church who were missionaries to Africa. The more she thought about them, the more she cried. She woke her mother and told her what was happening. Her mother—immediately perceiving that it was the Holy Spirit at work in her little girl—told her to go back to bed and pray for the missionary family. Sally later remembered that she finally drifted off to sleep thinking, “Some day I’m going to be just like them.”

When Sally was sixteen, the opportunity arose for her to go on a summer outreach to the island of Samoa. However, several barriers barred the way. For one thing, the sponsors of the trip didn’t want to take anyone who wasn’t at least eighteen years old. For another, her stepfather—who was not a Christian—didn’t want her to go. And last be not least, it cost a lot of money to go on the outreach, a tidy sum totally out of the teenager’s reach.

Two weeks before the trip was to begin, Sally’s stepfather told her he had changed his mind. She was flabbergasted: she had been pleading with him every week for months to give her permission to go, and he had been adamant in his refusal. Now, suddenly, he said she could go.

Why the about-face? Apparently, he assumed that since Sally didn’t have enough money, she wouldn’t be able to go even if she did have his permission; by saying yes he could avoid looking like the bad guy. Little did he know that while Sally didn’t have the full amount she needed, she had managed to scrape together enough to get to Los Angeles, where the week-long training session for the outreach trip was to be held. Much to her stepfather’s chagrin (and to her mother’s delight), off she went.

In Los Angeles, Sally ran head-on into the sponsors of the trip, who told her she couldn’t go. They pointed out that she was below the minimum age they had established. They also pointed out that she didn’t have any money to pay for her food, lodging, and transportation.

There was a young man in Sally’s training course who had also grown up wanting to be a missionary, and who had been working and saving for months so he could go on this outreach to Samoa. During the course of the week he and Sally got to know each other. She told him of her conviction that the Lord wanted her to go on the trip, and of her confidence that the Lord would somehow make it possible.

One night as he was praying, the young man sensed the Lord speaking to him. The Lord seemed to be saying, “Give her your money. You are to stay home so that she can go.” Since that definitely wasn’t what he wanted to hear, he argued the point at some length.

His arguments seemed sound. He was between his second and third year of university and might never have the freedom to make such a trip again. He had worked hard to save up the money. He believed God had called him years before to be a missionary, and this was going to be his first overseas adventure.

But God was not to be dissuaded. Finally, the night before the group was to leave, the young man went to the sponsors and told them what he had decided.

Now the sponsors found themselves in a predicament. It had been easy for them to stick to their guns regarding Sally’s age so long as they knew she didn’t have the money for the trip anyway. But now that obstacle had been overcome. And Sally—who still knew nothing of the young man’s decision—was as determined as ever.

The morning the group was to leave, the sponsors called the teenager on the telephone. “What are you doing right now, Sally?” they asked.
“Packing to go to Samoa,” she exclaimed.
“But we told you, you can’t go,” they said.
“I know what you told me,” Sally said. “But the Lord has given me faith to trust him. I believe I’m supposed to go to the airport—right up to the door of the plane, if necessary—and that if I do, he’ll make a way for me. Somehow I believe he’ll change your minds, as well as take care of my finances.”

The sponsors were amazed and encouraged by Sally’s response. What could anyone say to faith like that? “Look, Sally,” they said. “Last night someone came forward and provided the money for you to go. And we’ve prayed about it, and… well, we feel this is a sign that we should make an exception and let you go.”

And go she did. Sally’s group spent most of the summer in a small village where no missionaries had ever been able to visit before. In fact, when they first arrived, a local leader told them they could go to any other village on the island but that one. He encouraged them to pray and ask the Lord where else they should go. Naturally, the Lord said, “Go to the village he told you that you couldn’t get into. I’ll get you in.”

They did, and God did, and by the end of the summer one hundred fifty of that village’s three hundred inhabitants—including the chief—had become Christians. Today, the church those young people started is the largest one of its denomination on the whole island.

Needless to say, the whole incident made a profound impact on Sally. It made a profound impact on the young man as well. Seeing the amazing circumstances—the way his decision about giving away his money changed the sponsors’ minds about letting Sally go—convinced him that he really had heard the Lord. God rewarded Sally’s obedience, and he rewarded the young man as well. The experience persuaded him, once and for all, that the Lord really does speak today, and that he wants his people to listen. It opened up a whole new area of the spiritual realm to him.

The reason I know so much about this story is that the young man was me. And Sally is now my wife."

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

lil piggy

my knee is still painful... *grumpy face* and it hurts when i walk up and down stairs. oh well, at least i better appreciate the joys of brisk walking now.

hee hee... i ate quite a lot for dinner. =b oh no... going to become lil miss piggy =( i had olua and prawn noodles with giant prawns and green tea. and then at cell group, there were loads of new year goodies being passed around so i had a whole fistful of cod strips, a pineapple tart and about 10 grapes. oh man... and i can't exercise either, cos my knee hurts...

bah

kind of overwhelmed (but in an exciting way) about the many things that are suddenly on my plate at work. it's been a busy time this week. looking forward to a restful weekend - i hope. =b

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

so malu!!!

i fell off a bus.

yeah, i know it's hard to believe right... but i really did! sigh... i somehow misjudged where the curb was and where the ground was, and i was aiming for the curb and hit the ground smack!

my poor lap top also took a tumble, but thank God she's ok =) but my jeans weren't so fortunate. ripped a hole in one knee and got dirt stains too... and i cut my left knee and palm and grazed my right. so... all in all... not a good feeling...

i managed to do ok throughout the day, but just half an hour ago, opened the plaster to check on my knee wound, and it looks gross... like watering and stuff.

so i think it needs to air. but stupid jeans dun allow for that. so i cut my jeans.

yup. theya re now berms. =b

hmmm... it's the first time i've been to drastic wif my clothes =b haha... but it looks not bad lah... anyways not the wound is throbbing and still watering... so dunno lah. haiz...

but at least it's not getting irritated and poked by the sequins on my jeans. heh

thank God that it's an older pair of jeans and i didn't fall onto the road and get squashed by a car.

pics!

some pics from our forerunner chinese new year gathering last week! it was really fun and the food was AWESOME. hee hee =b


a solitary root beer can.
got the idea from a coke can pic my friend took. hee hee


daddies and their bundles of joy!


kyrie and em - so cute!!!


baby ryan and me =)

Monday, February 14, 2005

a happy day =)

i enjoyed my day. thanks to those of you who made it special for me! =)

also realised how blessed i am to have the friends i do have. =)

want to upload photos now but cannot cos photobuket seems to be down... =(

Sunday, February 13, 2005

the story of my little red cap

yesterday i bought a cap. not just any cap, mind you, but a i-walked-2-hours-and-went-to-5-sports-stores-in-the-vicinity-to-find-it RED cap! =)

haha... ok i know... i've never been a great cap person. hee hee... but well, i met my friend andrew for lunch.

OH MY GOSH!!! I FORGOT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE AIRPORT TO SEE HIM OFF NOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!??!

* * *

oh man... that sux. i forgot to go see my good friend off. he's going in already... bah

but at least i caught him before he went in and got to wish him all the best and tell him i'll ship his little pressie over. haha... oh no... i'm TERRIBLE!

oh man...

ok i shall stop scolding myself now/

* * *

anyway back to red cap story. it was this really spiffy looking chilli red adidas cap with the three stripes in white on the brim. arghhh... i tried it before our farewell lunch then decided i'll think about it after lunch, and maybe buy it after that as a CNY treat to self.

then... haiz... in just ONE HOUR, when i came back, it was gone!!! yes, some horrible gal bought it from right under my nose! i mean i never even left the building!!! urgh...

thus began the search for the illusive red cap.

i went to five stores that afternoon. no red cap. uh uh... everywhere, they said it's old model, out of stock yada yada yada... after 2 hours i was FED UP. so, and i dun feel too proud of myself for doing this, i kind of settled for second best. i mean after one whole afternoon of wandering round... i needed some little reward. hee...

so i got a puma red cap. it's the same red actually =) and looking at it now, i think i'm really liking is just as much =D heh... and it was cheaper too. so i guess it's a good thing i didn't find the adidas one in the end.

all that walking was probably good exercise for me too yeah?

Friday, February 11, 2005

i'm blind as a bat

oh man... i feel so blur! today getting to work was so stressful... like i was so scared of taking the wrong bus that i was so stressed straining my eyes to see the bus numbers. sheesh...

anyways off to get my specs now. hope i can find one at harbourfront. if not i'll have to go to city hall or plaza sing to look see. haha... i think i'll get a red wire frame. praying that it won't cost too much... =b

* * *

back from harbourfront. phew...

thank God there was a shop there, so i didn't have to travel too far... =b

i really love the specs i ordered! it's way more funkier than my present one... i hope it's not TOO funky and that i can carry the look off. hee hee... only sad thing is it's not very cheap. i had to get new lenses too, cos my degree apparently has changed quite a bit.

used to be L-450, R-300 - now it's L-475, R-275. hmmm... kinda sad bout that, and the girl said i better come for check-ups more regularly, so the difference doesn't increase too much.

anyway, total cost of lens + frames = $178

the frames i chose are very thin plastic, as in not the thick NS-men black plastic kind. and it's kind of squarish in shape, which i think is good for my face. and it has violet and black pinstripes! hee hee

cool eh? =D

Thursday, February 10, 2005

the day my spectacles broke

yes my darling speccies broke today. dunno why!!! i was VERY GENTLY adjusting the sides when one side just fell off! urghhh... so frustrating. so i was kinda blur and blind for the rest of today since i dun have contact lenses (and i dun intend to get any)

anyways... the rest of the day was great =) had an awesome and very yummy lunch at harry's place with quite a huge group of people =D yum yum... i had SIX prawns that were cooked in some winey peppery sauce. divine =b

followed by an afternoon of karoake. i really REALLY need to brush up on my mandarin man... but it was fun to see some of them hamming it up! =) hee hee

also had time to continue reading my book called "When God writes your love story". it was really humbling to read about the faith that some of the girls in the book have. to really hold out and wait for their Prince Charming, and to see their emotions and purity as a very precious pearl that should only be given to one man. the question is, how many of us can really do that? makes me rethink a lot of the ways i act around guys, especially guys i have liked.

yeah... points to ponder...

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

happy chinese new year to me!

the day started out pretty rough. =( just some family issues and nitty gritties... really felt quite sad and dismal about it, but then the day got a lot better when the ang pows arrived =)

ok ok... i must admit, i'm NOT a stickler for traditions. really... i don't appreciate the meaning of chinese new year. =( i guess i'm very 'banana' in a sense, like i dun like chinese customs and stuff. not because i think little of it, but just not my cup of tea, and i don't feel particularly pressured to maintain them.

but the one custom i do like is ang pows! =D hee hee

and my very sweet cousin gave me a little angpow for my birkenstock fund! so COOL =D

anyway didn't manage to do much visiting today after all. it was so majorly hot all one could do was slouch in from of tv on a bed (and in my case watch audrey hepburn dvd on laptop =b) such a slacker of an afternoon!

but the evening was really nice. i hung out with my cousin at the pool. by the way, i can't swim. i can FLOAT but i can't get my head up of the water to breathe. so er... basically i can 'swim' for as long as i have breath in my lungs =b eh heh heh... but she very patiently attempted (in vain!) to teach me to doggy paddle. i failed miserably however... my feet have a life of their own - headed downwards. heh

really enoyed yakking with her and talking about... girl stuff... and it was cool to finally be in a pool again, even if all i did for most of the time was wallow near the wall. haha... the weather was sublime and the water was nice and refreshing!

now headed over to gran's for dinner. looking forward to american idol tonight and to counting my loot =b hee hee...

oh no... am i very money-faced? =( i'll try not to be.

as for the family issues, i guess it will work itself out in time, God willing. it's really not in my power to do anything about it anyway, all i can do is pray...

supper with my cell

really enjoyed the nite out with my cell mates. =D thank God for such a great bunch of friends who i am getting to know more and more this year!

elaine picked us all up in her car. it was really fun and exciting to wander around the streets of bedok and tampines trying to locate each others' homes! thanks elaine, i really enjoyed it a lot =)

finally made it to simpang bedok.

even though i said i wouldn't eat, i still ate a bit of prata. had an onion prata all to myself somemore =b *guilty look*

it was really cool that we saw this kitty cat perched on a ledge one level above us! i had the privilege of shooting a few pics of the kitty =) but my camera is not digital, so have to wait for film to be used up and developed... also shot a few shots of my friends avoiding the camera lens! haha!

well, chinese new year is upon us again. it's MY YEAR - the year of the rooster. heh... i'm old man... sigh... =b but happy for the holiday and aiming to save up most of the ang pows i get for my csu trip in july! hee hee...

sleepy now... sooooo sleepy... ZZZZzzzzzzz.....

Monday, February 07, 2005

when God writes your love story

i just started reading this book today on the bus home from work. bought it a month back on impulse cos the way it is written is so different from the typical dos-and-don'ts books of love 7 relationships. it's by this couple called eric and leslie ludy.

anyway i feel really blessed from reading this book. here some excerpts from their sharing that touched me:

* * *

LESLIE:
I yearned to be loved and cherished. I had dreamed of a perfect love story for my entire life. But somewhere in the midst of the endless cycle of one temporary romance after the next, my dreams had shattered right along with the broken and fragmented pieces of my heart.

"God where are You in this?" my heart cried. "I am Your child. All my life, You know I have longed for something beautiful. I have searched for true love. Does a pure and perfect romance even exist in this dark world of lust and perversion and sin? Should I even dare to dream of something beyond the shallow, meaningless, cheap version of love I've known so far?"

Then came a soft, gentle tugging upon my heart. Suddenly I knew that my life did not need to be this way and that God had something better for me. it was almost as if God Himself was reminding me, 'I am the Author of true love; I am the Creator of romance'.

It was as if God was tenderly standing before me, with tears of boundless love in His eyes, whispering to my heart, 'You have searched for true love in your own way. But my ways are not your wayas. I want to script a beautiful tale just for you, but first you must trust Me with the pen of this precious area of your life. Will you let Me write your love story?'

But what is He butchered the whole thing? I pictured myself trusting God with this precious area of my life, only to end up sitting in a long grey tentlinke dress, staring forlornly out the window and rocking my life away. No friends, no phone calls, no life whatsoever. I wouldn't get married until I was ninety-three, and it would be some Elmer Fudd-kind of guy I couldn't stand. We'd have four horrible years together, then die.

'Well Leslie, can you also believe that I am the God of all creation? I know you better than you know yourself, and I am perfectly able to bring this man into your life in My own time, in My own way... and I don't need your help.'


It wasn't too long after that tear-filled, hopeless night that my unforgettable journey began. It was a journey to discovering something I never before knew existed - the matchless beauty of a God-written love story. I was soon to discover that my most faithful Friend in the entire world, who loved me more that I could comprehend, had a plan for my love life that would take my breath away with its beauty.

As for God, his way is perfect. - Psalms 18:30

* * *

ERIC:
It was almost as if God was saying, "How seriously are you going to trust me, son?"

I remember telling God, upon my knees with tears brimming in my eyes, "I'm going to trust that You know what You are doing!"

Then with a trembling heart, I made a commitment to my Captain.

"I'm willing for You to do whatever You want in this area of my life!" I swallowed hard, then continued. "I am willing, almighty God, to be single! And, Lord, if you desire me to someday get married, then the next girl I date and give my heart to will be the one You show me is my wife!"

* * *

as i read this, i felt a huge amount of respect for leslie and eric. (i can't comment on the guy's perspective too much of course...) and i realised that i don't know if i myself can commit to such a statement. even as i told God that this is something i want to commit to on the bus as it rattled and bumped me along...

I'm willing for You to do whatever You want in this area of my life! I am willing, almighty God, to be single! And, Lord, if you desire me to someday get married, then the next man I date and give my heart to will be the one You show me is my husband!"

saying this, i feel a mixture of fear of the unknown and anxiety about whether I have been too open in sharing my thoughts and feelings, but also the calm assurance and peace that God is in control. =)

i know that it's gonna be hard process and i'll probably face many times when i want to just take control and manipulate situations to my advantage. yes, i'm sad to say that this is a 'girl thing'... so i do foresee that there will be many moments when i slip up or want to slip up, but ultimately, i felt that, hey, maybe this is what 'living out my faith' is all about.

not just saying God is sovereign and that God wants the best for me and that God loves me, but really having the faith to then give the 'pen' to Him, and let Him write out my life story - in love, in work, in family...

how about you? are you disillusioned by the imperfections of love and the fragility of your relationships? i want you to know that God really does understand who you are, and that He has a perfect plan for you. join me in waiting on Him to reveal that plan to us in his time =)

* * *

Before the world began

You were on His mind

And every tear you've cried

Is precious in His eyes

Because of His great love

He gave His only Son

Everything was done so you would come

also want to share this video with you. a friend shared it with me a while ago, and today i was reminded of it for some reason. go to this link and click on the video for "He's My Son".

 http://www.willowcreek.com/willowcharts/momypops.asp

thank You God for a happy Sunday

had a great time with my cell group this afternoon after church. =) we went to cafe cartel for lunch and i tried hawaiin pork chops, which my brother always raves about. yeah... it really IS quite yummy =b

after that went with the gals (haidee, elaine and me) to shop around tampines mall. the gals got stuff, but i decided not to, cos yesterday i treated myself to a turquoise (which i now know apparently suits me skin tone. heh heh heh) pendent and ring for CNY. but i did see a really cool white tank top with sequin design at esprit going for $29.90.

mulling over whether i should buy it after CNY... hmmm... but anyway i'm kinda proud of myself for not buying it today =) *pats self on head* heh heh

ok, tired from doing powerpoint the whole night... got a very short and *ahem* profitable week ahead. *wink*

have a Happy Chinese New Year everyone!!!

Saturday, February 05, 2005

fingers crossed

ok: CHANGE OF PLANS!!!

yesterday had a very exciting conversation with mike and lisa, and i'm so excited about the possibility of going down with them to csu! initially was thinking about going camping with them after the conference, but this other alternative sounds really cool too.

i could go up earlier (about 10 days earlier) to indiana, and stay with them (and their adorable kids) and spend a few days just meandering round the town. i really only want some time to myself to just walk and walk and drink coffee and take pictures and read my books. so from what i hear, indiana would be a nice place to do that, cos it's not too busy...

and then, after about 3 days, i'd travel up to colorado for the conference with the Keynote team on the Keynote bus! that would be really fun, to meet all these bands from the American music ministry, and to be with them 'on the road'.

when we reach colorado, i could potentially have the chance to join their bands in one of the worship sessions. so the next few days would be spent practicing and getting to know them, and that would be really exciting too! also i think i will learn a lot from how they lead the bands, to technical skills and maybe improve on my communication. =) i think there really is so much for me to learn...

and then the conference would start proper, and the rest of ForeRunner would be there. =)

so... this new plan is really very very tempting, and i'm so impatient to know if it can be a reality! but for now, have to just hope and pray, and ask God to help me be patient and trust Him and ... wait...

Friday, February 04, 2005

taking responsibility for my own feelings

i feel so out of control of so many things in my life. i think things are not as bad as i see it, but sometimes i am too easily overwhelmed.

but i also do see this as a time of pruning, for me to learn to take responsibility for my feelings and grasp them by the nettle in a sense. to really come to terms with what i feel, why i feel it, and what i can do about it.

in the past i would often try to deal with these emotions through wheer willpower, self admonition, unloading everything onto a willing listener or suppressing these 'ungodly' feelings in the name of holiness. but true holiness comes froms a transparent relationship with God and, through that, a love relationship with Him and others, not based on control, fear or compliance.

it's a long process that will really require me to be truly honest with myself and God and be vulnerable in sharing with others too. but i know that it works out for good =)

Thursday, February 03, 2005

exhausted

the day started really quickly for me, with an audition at 9am. and then a 2-hour session on personal grooming conducted by ying kheng.

it was really really fun and interesting. i'm apparently a low contrast summer gal. =) that means i get to wear all the pinks and blues which i love, but i should veer towards the bluer tones, and avoid bright or primary colours. and i should wear off-white instead of pure white, silver instead of gold, greys instead of black.

that last bit of info was quite a shocker to me, cos my wardrobe is like one-third black! but as she held up the various coloured cloth up to my face, i really could see the difference wearing colours that suit me make. it really makes one look more alive, more fresh, healthier too. =)

oh yeah, and i was very excited to discover that i look really good in a particular shade of medium turquoise. =D yeah... i've never tried that colour on anything before... but i really love it! haha... so the next time i buy anything, i'm gonna keep that in mind.

after that... had a nice lunch wif simon and joy... and then we had a meeting about what my role in forerunner will be like over the next few months. kind of like ironed out some details and crystallised what my focus is. that was a good time for me, cos i also understood more of forerunner's existing working frameworks and structures etc.

then... we spent a couple of hours discussing the selection for this year's Ultimate Road Trip. it was a good experience for me... although i felt quite mentally drained by the process. thank God for guiding us through the process! but somehow, after it was all over, i felt kind of worn out. like... all my energy sapped.

i guess partly i realised just how inexperienced i am and yet how much i want to contribute to things... so it was kind of frustrating for me. like feeling like, why can't i say the right things at the right time, why can't i see the bigger picture, and do people think less of me because of that?

all these questions were in going on in my mind ony the long bus ride back, which has resulted in a headache =(

yet i know this is good. i know that i need to learn from situations and experiences like this. but it's hard. God, I need You, I can't do it on my own...

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

america - here i come!

yesterday realised that i have to really start purposefully raising the support for CSU. this is a 2 week-long conference in Colorado that will be in mid July. (well, it's 3 weeks for campus staff, but i'm NOT campus staff =b tee hee)

i'm really really excited about it, but i have to raise $3,500 for the trip! quite daunting to imagine that amount. hmmm... well, if any of you reading this feel led to give me any amount, it would mean a great deal to me! =D

heh heh heh

anyway... was talking to mike about it, and he invited me to extend my stay and go camping with his family. =) hee hee... well, for those of you who've ever seen me huff and puff (very few), you would be like "Don't be crazy lah!!!" hee hee

but, well... i am seriously considering it. cos i think it would be an awesome experience if i go with them. i mean, how often do you get to go on a 10 day camping trip with four cute kids and experience the sights of yellowstone park, bears and waterfalls?! granted the kids will probably be cranky now and then... and the bears might be safer to see no touch, but still... it would be a whole new experience!

and i could take lots of shots with my trusty camera. i love shots of nature, esp of a solitary flower. and mike ASSURED me there are no such things as cockroaches and beetles in the places we will camp. and proper toilets. and it's not as humid as Singapore, so sleeping in the tents might be bearable. =)

and at the end of 10 days, we'd reach their hometown of indiana, and lisa will take me to the factory outlets there! what a great way to end the trip!

so anyway... i worked out that i need to save about $1200 for that dream to become a reality. (save, not raise, cos it's a personal trip) so hope that i can get a lot of fat ang pows this chinese new year *hint hint* so that i can put it towards my "camping-with-the-andersons" fund. muahaha

=)

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Lord, teach me to be humble

realised that the recent spate of 'failures' at music-related stuff is God's way of reminding me to focus on Him and to be humble before Him. as Mike, a colleague, told us today, when you are humble, you are most confident. because your confidence is then in Christ - the only place of true security and significance =)

i thank God that despite my weaknesses and pride He is using all these events in my life to turn me to Him and to rely on Him more.