ooh! i almost forgot!

must mention... last night mel bought me my Christmas present -something that i've wanted for about a year, but various sources told me to buy or dun buy, so i was just hanging...

"it" has rainbow stripes all over it!

thank you mel =) i like it very very much!

God is teaching me to wait on Him

I am learning. Learning to trust God more and walk with Him a step at a time.

Have been asking myself and God many questions about the future over the past 3 days. And grappling with different verses that i have read during my quiet time. so... i wouldn't say i'm 'out of the woods' yet, but for the first time, i am enjoying this process of 'struggle', as God is showing me how He can really use anything and everything and everyone to speak His words of rebuke, comfort, encouragement to me.

what lies ahead, just around the bend? God, You know.

"if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul" - Mark 8:34-36

this verse plagued me for several days. but God has slowly allowed me to see it in a new light. i don't know how to explain it, so i won't try too hard. suffice to say, it might not be as literal as i often think it is. God wants me to desire His will for my life most, and to believe that is will is good, and to live that life joyfully.

today i read the story about the healing of a boy. Mark 9:14-29

i was really struck by the man's words and Jesus' response:

"Jesus asked the boy's father, 'How long has he been like this?'

'From childhood,' he answered. 'It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.'

'If you can?' said Jesus. 'Everything is possible for him who believes.'

Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.' "


I feel like i am very much like that man, searching for help (and guidance in my case), and yet full of doubts as to whether God can do it, whether i will recognise when God is doing it, whether i am really able to receive His guidance or submit to His plan, whether i am really submitted.

Lord, help me overcome my unbelief!

today's training session also helped shed light on my struggle.

"God raises people for Himself, not for His ministry."

i feel that God has given me an answer, and yet, i know that He is still in the midst of giving me the FULL answer, and convicting me that it is truly from Him. i am excited and anxious as i go through this process of discovery.

what a wonderful day!

i spent the day on my feet - literally =) so now my calves and feet are achy and all, but i feel very satisfied =) heh heh

started off the day with flag-selling for Metropolitan YMCA - an organisation i volunteered with in 2004. it was good to see some of the students from the tuition centre aspect that i volunteered with, and to see how the've grown so much! haha, the boys are taller than me now! (they were Pr 6, now they are sec 1)

also good to see ronghui, whose dedication to the centre and to God has really inspired me greatly =)

anyways it was a good morning. sure i got tired of smiling all the time and repeating the same phrase about 200 times (Hi, would you like to make a donation? Thank you) heh... but it was 'good for the soul'. somehow, even though it was so physicallt tiring, i really felt refreshed by the experience.

the least likely people would donate. and i would feel so so encouraged and blessed each time they did! and sure most people avoided me or just stared past me or just shook their heads vehemently =b but still... it was ok, because i knew that God was right beside me. so somehow it didn't matter that much.

anyway thank God for a full tin after my 4 hour slot! =) yay!!!

then...

i went SHOPPING!

haha.

i mean i figured, how often am i at bugis junction... and next weekend i'm busy with weddings... so... i shopped.

i decided must have some aim lah, so i decided to look for my performance outfit for A Kepala. poor jaime... i kept ringing her to ask her if things that i had found would match the look she is going for. hee... i think i was quite a pest, but she was super patient and fun about it!

i actually saw tons of stuff i love... but thank God i managed to stay focused onn WARDROBE WARDROBE WARDROBE... heh.

in the end, after 4 hours of shopping =b i got a black chiffon poofy skirt and a silver knit shrug. hee... we are going GLAM... =) yeah!

so very very happy.

plus got free retro looking umbrella cos i spent over $50. heh.

yay!!

now at home. nothing nice on tv, but still happily floating on my little cloud of joy. hahaha

God has a plan for us!

i'm feeling quite stressed about A Kepala stuff. had a lot of thoughts running around my head, and weary of having to juggle so many aspects of the project in my mind. sigh... really thank God for the encouragement of pple ard me. =)

Jesus, You're my firm foundation

i know i can stand secure

Jesus, You're my firm foundation

I put my trust in Your Holy Word


I have a living hope

I have a future

God has a plan for me

Of this I'm sure!


* * *

just came back from briefing on the tokyo trip. i am SO excited about it! hearing abt what God hasn done in Japan through the past year, and what our going contributes to the overall saturation of Japan really gave me a broader perspective of what this short trip will accomplish.

the Japanese really need God. they just don't know it...

also look forward to taking a break from work, training, checkouts etc etc etc... =) ahhh....

He must become greater; I must become less

Simon shared this during team time today. taken from John 3:22-30.

it was a timely reminder, that all i do and have opportunity to do are a gift from Him, are set in place by Him.

"A man can receive only what is given him from heaven." (v 27)

therefore i should not be anxious when things don't go as (i) planned, nor should i be overly proud when i 'succeed'. all glory truly belongs to Him then.

help me to remember this Lord...

a HUGE thanksgiving: i've raised my first $50 for my tokyo trip! really praise God for bringing it through a fellow new staff. i really feel very encouraged by her gift, and by God's love demonstrating itself to me through this. i continue to trust that He will bring in the rest. =)

yay

update on my life

just uploaded my newsletter for Nov and my tokyo trip letter. please do read =) it's on the left.

a busy day of rest

well... it was MEANT to be restful day.

it started out pretty restful. i woke up at 9 =D haha... (that's considered late for me, i can't sleep once the sun gets bright) had a nice leisurely breakfast of cinnamon bread bought by my nice mum.

made my way leisurely to hq to print stuff for FR and my tokyo newsletter. then... *horrors* sudden flash of memory that i had agreed to meet my friends for lunch. ARGHHHH

met them when they came to singapore for exchange during school days, and now they are here for a holiday. so... frantically emailed them, hoping that they would read their mail (no hp number to call) and know that i'd be late.

thank God for people who check their emails every other hour...

yes they checked. phew. so we still managed to meet. but i had to rush there from hq, so was quite flustered.

we had a super lunch at thai express. i really really LOVE mango salad. and today i had phat thai talay. yummmm =b

after lunch they left to go embassy to get their visas (they're planning to visit thailand, vietnam and indonesia. wow!) and i left for bras basah, where i spent about 2 hours wandering ard getting stuff for Christmas wrapping and FR stuff.

and i also found an hour to spend in retreat in macs. had a nice cozy corner all to myself =) and i was able to just talk to God about some stuff that's been on my mind. i won't say that i'm like completely resolved abt everything, but i do feel refreshed through that time.

basically, i was asking God what He is trying to teach me throughn what i am experiencing, and He asnswered me. sort of.

so... i look forward to how God will continue to teach me and mold me in the weeks ahead as i struggle with some of these things. =)

my favourite psalm has new-found meaning for me - Psalms 23

after my nice time of solitude, i walked on to bugis, where i spent abt half an hour scouting ard in the market for sth cool for the 70s staff Christmas party we are having in Dec. heh... i got some really funky green accessories! =D hah! as for clothes, shall make do with what stuff i have. think Christmas gift shopping has drained my finances somewhat, so must try to save elsewhere.

yeah... so it was kind of a busy day. but still, i do feel rested! =D yay

now waiting for harry potter to start. muahaha...

mish mash

too many things i wanna blog about, hence the title of this post. heh. it's getting harder to keep a steady blog, cos life seems to be always busy nowadays... sigh. both good and bad, i guess. i'm a person who thrives on change, in the sense that i like having lots to do. i even kind of 'like' the stress that comes with it - like an adrenalin rush or something... heh. anyways...

1. the life and ministry of paul

we've been covering the ministry of paul in our training sessions for this week. it's been a really enjoyable time, seeing Paul personally for the first time. by 'personally', i mean seeing him as a fellow brother in Christ - an imperfect but unique human being, just like the rest of us.

in sunday school days, i'd always think of Paul as one of those big spiritual giants. but this week has helped me to see his character, not only as someone to be placed on a pedestal and emulated, but also someone whose mistakes i can learn from. i've felt like finally i can understand why he writes the way he does, how he felt when he wrote the epistles, how he could be so fervent and long-suffering for the sake of the gospel.

it was also a challenge to draw the maps of his missionary journeys, but finishing them gave me such a sense of fulfillment =b and showed me how strategic Paul was in reaching the world. and how God was leading him each step of the way.

God also reminded me of what a personal God He is. Paul wanted very much to visit Asia on his second journey, but was directed by the Holy Spirit to go elsewhere. and he obeyed. yet God knew and remembered his heart, and the very first person that he shared with and brought to Christ in the place where he was sent, was an Asian! (Lydia)

this reminds me of how God 'prevented' me from going to Japan 3x over the past 5 years, and how frustrated i felt at the time. yet, looking back now, i feel so thankful that He led me to where I am now, with the experiences i have. and come next month, He is also giving me the incredible opportunity to go back to Japan!

2. mission trip to Japan

totally out of the blue, joy seng (fellow trainee) handed me a fllyer. "Tokyo in Joy"n is part of the Macedonian Project, and seeks to bring the gospel to the streets of japan, in this trip, by tracting.

it just so happens that that week i have no training.

it just so happens that that week i have no rehearsals.

it just so happens that that week i have no performances.

it just so happens that that week i am not serving Lord's Supper in church. (I served these two weeks)

>>> God has made it possible for me to go! =)


for those of you who dunno, i've been wanting to go back to Japan, ever since my first mission trip there in 2001. i remember my last day during the trip, i told God - "If you want me to come back here to be a missionary, I will. wherever You want me to go, I'll go." and i remember Psalms 16 - which became THE chapter that marks that particular trip for me.

of course, at that time, part of why i felt and said those things was a result of emotions that you tend to build up on a mission trip. and i was young, and kind of impulsive. over the years, however, i thank God that i am hopefully less impulsive, and i have found out more about myself, the person that He created me to be.

for now at least, i don't think i would be in Japan long-term. but Japan will always be a very special place to me. Her people have a very special place in my heart, more any other people group.

so it with great joy that i am going back to Japan, even though its only for a short 4 days. i'm really REALLY excited!!!

i'll be posting my newsletter up soon, so please do read it =)

3. jac and ernest are married!!!

my ex-colleague, jac, got married yesterday. =) it was a frantic weekend for me, because i was her photographer for tea ceremony (and the whole jiemei saga), did decor for reception, car and bouquet, and am photographer again tonight (the dinner). having never done a scrap of flower arrangementin my life, i almost had a nervous breakdown when we were doing it on friday night!

i really felt so so panicked! urghhh... thank God for some aunties who saved me by their flower arrangements prowess. =b heh heh...

the wedding was lovely. ernest is funny! jac was beautiful... and the reception food was amazing... =D

looking forward to tonight, even though i feel a bit nervous abt having to take the pix again. hee... i'm quite scared of 'intruding on the moment' or blocking people's view... that kinda thing, so it's a bit hard to be a gung ho photographer... hee...

will try to upload some pix another time. =)

Love, A Kepala

that's the name of our acappella group! ForeRunner's newest band to be formed! =)

It's a bit too long and complicated to explain, but my journey to where I am now, where this group is concerned, has been quite an experience! i feel like God has taught me a lot... about my attitude towards serving Him, my perspectives of Him, my dependance on Him, and my own strengths and weaknesses.

The fact that there are now 8 individuals in the group is a miracle. that each one of them shares the passion for music and for God is another miracle. and most recently, that we have a very exciting and strategic gig coming up, after weeks of searching for that 'God-opportunity' is yet another miracle, and something that has encouraged and uplifted me indescribably.

those who have talked to me about this would have known that our search and confirmation for gigs these few weeks have not been going smoothly at all... several nights i felt so troubled by that, like how come God isn't opening doors for us, how come everything is so darn difficult?!?! and those gigs that were more possible, just didn't seem the best fit, audience wise etc.

which is why God giving us this opportunity is such a tremendous encouragement and affirmation for me! that God sees my heart - our heart - for how this group can be used, and He has allowed us to have this chance.

after all that waiting, i really couldn't have asked for anything better. =) thank You God.

i guess there will probably be more obstacles ahead... pray with me, that we would keep trusting God and be sensitive to His direction.

pictures of darling kyrie & ryan =)

SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!

in progress...

thank You God that I am accepted and loved by You!

... whether i succeed or fail

... whether i am popular or the odd one out

... whether i make the best use of my resources or concentrate all my energies on the wrong aspect

... whether i find the 'right' people or i choose others

... whether i make the wisest decisions or an i-deserve-to-hit-my-head-on-the-car-boot kind of foolish decision

... whether my program works or doesn't

... whether i do a great job or i mess it all up

... whether i learn from my mistakes or i stupidly do the same thing again


help me to remember this in everything i do, say, think. not to take your grace for granted, but to be mindful of that grace, and to take ahold of it.

i am a work-in-progress - far from perfection or completion - but getting there someday!