a bloodied knee

i have this huge splash of red on my left knee. had a nasty fall tis morning, when i was out jogging on my own. i tripped on some bit of the pavement and went sprawling forward. got a few bruises and scrapes on both knees, and a huge gash on the left knee.

*ouch*

it didn't hurt too much. i think i was just stunned by the 'malu-ness' of the situation... anyways. this horrible guy just jogged right past me loh! so much for singa lion's courtesy campaign. hmph.

anyway... i felt quite sorry for myself... just hobbled my way back to GC, and had to keep stopping to wipe the dripping trails of blood so that it wouldn't stain my sox. as i walked back, i was like "why, God, why?!" but not in an i'm-angry-at-God way. it was quite funny actually... cos i've been trying to start up my jogging routine again after two weeks of hiatus, and this is how it had to start. haha... sigh... haha... sigh... (you get the mood)

back at GC it was such a comfort to sink into my bed and wash and clean my wounds. the gals were really great, they were very caring and helpful and got me flavin and cotton wool. =) i felt pretty pampered after all that! thank God for their support in my time of need.

so, now my knee is throbbing madly, but at least it's not a very deep cut. i hope it will heal up soon, so that i can be comfortably mobile for our first Void performance next thursday!!! =)

* * *

btw. i passed three checkouts so far!!! thank God for really carrying me thru. i think the thing abt being so overwhelmed and stressed with things to be done, is that it's easier to give thanks to God when we actually manage to do it! cos i really see how He has carried me thru those times of sleeplessness and worry.

there are many more hills to climb.

checkouts i have finished:

1. life in the Spirit message

2. english 4SL memorisation

3. chinese 4SL memorisation

checkouts to clear:

1. Making the Gospel clear

2. Why does a loving God allow pain/suffering?

3. Deity of Christ

4. The Reliability of the Bible


* * *

i am still in need of guys for our acappella band. ESPECIALLY a bass singer. please help me spread the word around if you read this, and come alongside to pray with me, that God will provide the person(s) that He has prepared! =)

i've got a lot on my mind.

and i dun quite know what!!!

just seems like there's always something to think about or plan or be anxious about or to relax about... etc etc...

it's been a pretty busy weekend. there was bbq with the young adults from mel's church, a visit to the goat farm (chaperoning my church kinders...), a Void rehearsal (sat morning...) and a get-together with uni friends to share abt my ministry. all this and i have tonight to settle my powerpoint for my message checkout which is TOMORROW AFTERNOON!!!

message checkouts are when we have to prepare and give a message in a simulated environment - the staff and some other new staff are our 'audience' who critique us when we finish.

well. thank God i cleared my buddy checkout last thursday night at 11pm. oh man... all these checkouts are so tiring to prepare for, it's hard to keep in mind that everything has a reason and is for my good. sometimes it just feels so utterly sian... and yet, God has been teaching, or rather, re-teaching me, about "Life in the Spirit" as i prepared for this message.

so i guess i can't complain... huh

really covet your prayers for me - that i would keep a healthy attitude towards my checkouts, and that tomorrow's checkout will go smoothly. my group is presenting at 1pm-4pm. =) please pray!

on the road to recovery =)

thanks to those who have been praying... =) i really feel much better today. on tuesday and last night, i had fever... which was quite not fun. and headaches on and off the whole day, and whole body very tired and lethargic...

mel thinks its flu. i think so too, now that i know flu is not just cough and cold, but can include body ache and headaches...

so anyways... today my fever is gone... and my headache is very mild. and i have more energy. so... things are lookin' up! =)


thank You God for being my Healer, and for giving me the strength to sustain me through rehearsals and meetings these few days.

and thank you to my colleagues and Void members who encouraged me in various ways and even bought me vitamin C to eat.

and thank you mel for bringing me home to eat home-cooked food and healthy herbal soup and for praying for me.

not feeling too good...

i couldn't sleep much last night. dunno why... just felt so uncomfortable. it was super cold, so i was shivering, even though i wore my sweater... and had a throbbing headache... and my mind wouldn't switch off... and the pillow felt lumpy and the bed felt hard... etc etc...

so this morning woke up feeling very disoriented and weary. that's the word - "weary". i felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders... just weighing me, and my spirits down.

it was tiring just to brush my teeth and eat breakfast. so after breakfast i couldn't focus on anything... so i went back to sleep until lunch time.

woke up still feeling weary and tired, but the headache was slightly better.

it was HOT HOT HOT in the bedroom. (cos during the day we can't use the air con...) so i came over to the office. i mean, might as well try to get some work done.

joy thinks maybe its stress. hmmm... i dunno...

=(

anyways... i was supposed to go to this dinner at our director's house tonight. but i guess i won't go. it's too far away, and i'll have to be all cheerful and energetic... and socialise... not my kind of thing rite now...

mel was so sweet when he heard how tired i feel. he's getting his mom to cook some herbal soup thing, so later he's bringing me over to drink it. i hope that helps... then i think i'll sleep really early tonite...

seminar was ok...

not as wonderful as i'd hoped. pretty basic actually.

i'm not saying i've mastered the basics... just... it seemed a bit boring...

but as always, there's the good and bad to everything - as i've learnt recently.

so the good is that i was aptly reminded of my identity in Christ, and my total acceptance, security, significance and safety in Him!

and i got to spend the day with a bunch of nice people (the other new staff and some stinters)

another day there tomorrow... pray for an open mind and teachability and fun! =)

more pix!!!

pix from alpha camp (new staff and stinters)


the gals i'm making a home with


the guys...


pic of jaime, eeleen and me - my 'mentees' from TURT 05. aren't they sweet! =)

pics of the new ForeRunner family =)

and my latest newsletter is out!!! see Sept 2005 on the left.



it's taking AGES to upload these pix. man... the network is seriously slow...


making funny faces - except for me and joy! hah!


happy people


white picket fence family

trust His heart

when things or people disappoint you, or life doesn't go like you planned it, how do you deal with it?

for me, it's something i'm still dealing with.

yesterday my friend's father passed away. my friend is pretty young, and going through some major exams now. why, God, did you allow this to happen?


i don't understand.


during rehearsal yesterday, some of the plans that i had made were met with opposing opinions. i didn't know how to react. i felt out of my league, i didn't want to take charge, i didn't want to give in, but i didn't want to be proud either. why did God allow things to become so confusing?


i don't understand.


this song speaks to me, as it has time after time in the past:

all things work for our good
though sometimes we can't see how they could
struggles that break our hearts in two
sometimes blind us to the Truth

our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
so when you pathway grows dim
and you just can't see Him
remember He's still on the throne!

Chorus:
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
so when you don't understand
when you don't see His plan
when you can't trace His hand
trust His heart

He sees the master plan
He holds the future in His hand
don't be as those who have no hope
all our hope is found in Him

we see the present clearly
but He sees the first and last
and like a tapestry, He's weaving you and me
to someday be just like Him!

Chorus:
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
so when you don't understand
when you don't see His hand
when you can't trace His hand
trust His heart

Bridge:
He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you!

Chorus.

a fruitful day =)

today was very fruitful, albeit tiring. and it's not over yet!

started the day with the long ride to GC...

and then worship and sharing time among the new staff.

then we had a session of training...

then ma po tofu lunch.

then answer emails like xiao and tie up some loose ends on void charts.

then meet sara to discuss acapella and debrief abt void rehearsal last week.

then answer more emails.

listen to void songs for tonight.

call some friends who are considering supporting me to find out if they have decided. not many replies today =(

write my newsletter which is a bit late as it is...

get joy to write hanyu pinyin for chinese 4sl - some words i can't read.

i have checkout for that next week!!! arghhh!!!!

tied down upcomind checkout dates and times with her.

it's gonna be a PACKED month man... i feel tired already =b heh.

eat quick dinner opposite.

now waiting for void members to come so rehearsal to start.

we'll probably end about 10plus...

after that look forward to chatting with mel on msn till... maybe 12?

and yet... i wouldn't have my life any other way! =)

one month has passed...

yeah i just realised i haven't blogged for almost a week! it's been so busy and i've just been running around and forgot to update it... sigh.

it's been a really good week though. =)

without realising it quite so consciously, it's actually ONE WHOLE MONTH since i've moved into gc. wow.

i've really enjoyed the company of the other gals, and the times spent jogging with liting, cooking with various ones... and just sitting at our individual desks in the room and doing our readings/support raising/work... i thank God for really knowing my needs and making me a part of this particular group of girls to live with.

although i am still a bit paranoid abt seeing roaches ard. but i am trying to spray less so that i dun poison everyone with the fumes =b

(speaking of which, there was a baby roach in my lift when i got home today. and i jumped onto the hand rail and perched there petrified for the 7 floors more to my floor. eew.... gross. hope someone has squashed it silly by now...)

i came home early today =) had training in the morning, but took the rest of the day off, cos my brother was checking into tekong for his BMT.

We got to see his bunk and the entertainment room, canteens, auditorium, parade square, clinic, and what their rations look like. the officers seem really nice, but it might just be a ruse... hee... but i shall give them the benefit of the doubt - for now. i'm quite excited for him, because i think this experience is going to be great for him, discipline wise. and also it will be a kind of testing ground for his walk with God, and i know that God will be teaching him so much through his experiences there.

when we had to leave, i felt kinda sad seeing him go... =(

hmmm... well partings are all part of life yeah?


there's a whole other ton of stuff that happened during the week but i can't remember them all. feels like too much, too overwhelming =b heh

oh one more thing - we had our FIRST Void rehearsal this week. everyone was pretty sweet and coorperative and i think we did pretty good for a first prac. i'm excited and scared abt upcoming Void pracs! =) heh

busy weekend

things i did this busy weekend:

1. support raising

2. watched DVDs with mel =) "the prince & me" and "mean girls" yeah!

3. ate ben and jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream =b

4. made wraps- wraps (bday pressie from mike and lisa), chicken, lettuce, cheese and egg. mmm... yumm =D

5. stressed abt work stuff. decided to get over it and just commit to God.

6. mopped the house

7. washed some clothes

8. arranged "fallen" for ngam to sing for dwin's sister's wedding

9. had ngam prac and taught all parts

10. laughed a lot!

11. read 2/3 of "changes that heal" by dr. henry cloud

12. bought and read 1/2 of "wish upon a star" by olivia goldsmith. mph was having 20% off storewide!!!

13. packed for another week ahead. well... almost =b

we all have choices we have to make

the past 3 days have been really relaxing =) i was at alpha camp - a 3D2N stay-over at chalet for all new staff and stinters, where we have some main sessions taught, as well as get to know each other better.

i really enjoyed the fun and games we had - some really cool and hilarious group games... monopoly... sardines (which really freaked me out! i was clinging on to grace the whole time...)

but more than all that, i really enjoyed the times of rest i had. liting (another new staff) and i had attended quite a few of the sessions during our stint year, so we were given time off. so i spent the time blissfully slumped in my bed, reading the first of our huge stack of required readings.

"changes that heal" by dr. henry cloud.

it's an awesome book! i really feel so amazed as i am discovering so many things about myself and others as i read it.

the ways i manipulate people, unknowingly and knowingly... the way i overstep boundaries and fail to guard my own... the ways i allow others to overstep their boundaries and make me feel pressured into doing something... the ways i sometimes deny that i have a choice in a situation - when God always gives us a choice.

here's some excerpts:

"To own and make our own choices, we must be aware of all the aspects of ourselves that go into any decision."

"If we do not feel like we have a choice, we feel we are out of control of our lives, and we resent the ones we perceive as being in control of us."

"If we feel responsible for other people's displeasure, we are being controlled by others, not God."

"We are to be responsible to others, not for them."

"Whenever we feel pressured by someone to do something, it is our problem and not the problem of the one who is trying to put pressure on."



choices... it's interesting, empowering and scary to know that i have them. not just in 'big' things like what career to choose, but even in things like allowing others to learn from their mistakes instead of always stepping in to help, or taking responsibility for my own anger, instead of blaming it on others.

so... that's been a really good read.

now i have more choices to make. some stuff has cropped up at work, HR issues... so... i am faced with a few choices to make. i feel very scared of having to make some of these decisions, and i honestly feel that i am being placed in a very difficult position. but i do understand too that my leadership is also in a difficult position. so it's all quite frustrating...

please pray for wisdom, and for me to really trust God for the choices to come.