back to my journal

ironically, even though the past few weeks have been some of the most exciting ones in my life, i haven't journaled. i don't quite know why. seems like ever since i got back from thailand, i lost the 'mood' to journal. but today i was reminded by God of the need to put my feelings, thoughts, joys and struggles down on paper to Him, so i started my engine up again =)

journalling really is very therapeutic for me. and it really allows me to express how i am feeling and thinking to God. i really do feel like i can express myself better in words than in speech. sigh...

anyhow... thank God for bringing me back to this track. and i look forward to months or years later, when i will reread my journals, and be encouraged to see how He has led me, and how He has grown me.

just to share a bit, it was my journals, and remembering all that God had done, and all that i had prayed for, that really convicted me that mel is the one that God has divinely brought into my life to marry. i am truly amazed at how awesome and sovereign He is!

He has indeed seen me through so many seasons in my life. and i know that He will see me through this one as well... =)

mel is back!

he came back yesterday =) yay. suddenly he was able to come back, and thank God he managed to get a flight that very same day! so he reached singapore late last night.

i'm really happy that he's back. not just so that we can spend time together, but also cos it was quite hard to plan anything with him a continent away. somehow technology just isn't that advanced in interpersonal skills yet (and may never be). so... i'm lookinh forward to what lies ahead...

today i had driving lesson no. 11. i reversed parked about 10 times at least i think. sigh... i asked him if i should learn parallel parking, but he said maybe in one or two weeks, cos my reverse parking steering still not 'biao1 zun3'. bah.

that was a bit depressing... but on a positive note, i'm pretty sure my driving on the road is more stable now, and my u-turns have improved somewhat =)

test is 20 sept, so i guess there's no need to get overly anxious now... he says he will prob bring me into circuit in mid august... which is about one month's time.

back to topic of wedding planning. heh. please pray for mel and i as we discuss and make plans, and as our famlies meet this coming week. i'm scared and nervous and excited all at the same time! jialat.

it's very hard to concentrate on work =b hee.. but i shall valiantly try...

johnny depp is one cool swashbuckling dude

i watched pirates of the caribbean with the boys last night. haha.

the boys = alvin, daniel, manson

it was really good! i wasn't as grossed out by davy jones and his band of barnacled slaves as i thought i'd be, and i really enjoyed the movie. keira knightley was gorgeous - as usual - and johnny depp was so suave and endearing, even when he was being naughty. heh.

even orlando bloom, whom i normally don't like much, came across as quite a sweet fella. haha...

ooh... and i thought the woman who played the witch was pretty good. i dunno her name, but she really nailed her part - at least to me!

of course there were some scary bits - my standard lah - but i had my trusty brown corduroy jacket to hide behind. hee hee... and dan, who was sitting on my left, was a sweetie as usual, demonstrated by not laughing at me hiding behind the aforementioned coat, and holding the nachos and cheese, and letting me have half the arm rest. =)

of course, it was very difficult to wake up this morning =b *groan* but worth it lah...

if you haven't watched it, GO WATCH! =)

another ultimate road trip?

it's been two weeks since mel proposed. i'm still like happy happy happy =) hee hee... feeling of euphoria hasn't quite faded yet, and it's a nice state to be in.

=)

it feels so surreal sometimes. i''m getting married next year?!?! =b feel like a dream come true for me. and i'm so amazed that it's happening to me, cos i used to dream about it, and pray about it, but see it as a distant dream.

so. WOW. thanks God! =)

also reminded to not get too caught up in the excitement and planning of the WEDDING, but to focus more on the life after that special day - the MARRIAGE.

since we've begun planning, i've come to realise the meaning of 'two families coming together'. it's really not two individuals man... so many different people to talk to, to discuss with, to consider... and being who i am, i would prefer it if everyone was happy. hmmm...

anyhow, it looks like a learning curve ahead, as i learn how to be patient, how to be more sensitive to others' needs, how to understand different perspectives, how to manage my finances well.

sometimes it's scary thinking about all that lies ahead. but i know that God is with me through it all. with US.

it's ultimate road trip - dotz & mel style!

heh

Beautiful song... from one of my favourite movies =)

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.

© 1961 Paramount Music Corporation, ASCAP

music by Henry Mancini, lyrics by Johnny Mercer

such a touching clip...

some long overdue pics from my 25th birthday!

pretty pink cake speshally made for moi by sara!



not just one lovely cake... i had TWO!!! =) pig out time...


the TURT students and me


FR staff and me

pretty pretty sparkles...

i'm wearing my ring now =) i love looking at it... hee...

but although the ring is special, the one who gave it is more precious! =)

(everyone:) AWwwwwwww......

*beams*


my june update on the left. also, please do read TURT diary for a concert-by-concert account of the 12 days i was in thailand. enjoy the pictures and be reminded that our God is faithful!

what's next, Lord?

that's the main question on my mind.

in many aspects.

in my upcoming wedding =) yes i know it's 1 year more, but i'm a high C about these kinds of things. haha... already have a team of helpers somewhat assembled. hee... i really love the dreaming and planning and sourcing... now just waiting for mel to come back from austalia (he went on business for two weeks) so we can tie down more details.

happie!!! =D

but i was reminded to pray too. for what lies ahead. not just the wedding, but the lifetime together. yeah... it gets a bit surreal at times. i still can't believe i'm going to leave my home and family and that we're going to start a new life together! it's exciting, but daunting too. i mean, it might sound funny to some people, but i've never changed a light bulb in my life =b or moped an entire house. or shopped for... curtains?!?!

eeps.

another 'what's next?' is in the area of work. i'm done with new staff training, so life isn't as busy for me now, esp with TURT over. so... i'm supposed to propose to me boss what i could be engaged in the next half of the year. among other things, i'mm considering drum/keyboards lessons, design workshops, some theological courses at EAST, and being involved in a new band. so... i definitely can't do EVERYTHING i want to... really need wisdom and direction to know the way ahead.

i guess a last 'what's next' would be church ministry. i'm most likely going over to mel's church after marriage, but i don't want to be in frankel one week and suddenly pop up in his church the next. i need to think about transitioning, about ministry involvement, about friendships... about support...

bleah. quite a lot to think about leh. hmmm...

* * *
i think i will go finish my long newsletter now. =)

still on a high

yeah still very happie =D

can't seem to stop smiling for too long these few days. i'm so happie!!! =D

hee hee


people who know me better know i'm a planner. i like to reflect and think about stuff. so these few days my mind has been on overdrive. haha... like cannot switch off! it's really fun to read magazines and dream dreams and plan plans and stuff... but not getting enough rest in the process.

hee... but i guess it's temporary. sooner or later i will feel tired lah. heh.

yay!!!
i love this new journey so far.

thanks to everyone who made it extra special by your congratulations and advice and encouragement and sharing my joy! =D

i can't wait to collect my ring on wednesday =) *blissful smile*

oh, what a night =)

it was a really surreal night. from meeting xiao qiang, to the frantic orchard road search for illusive baygon, to the bright lights of my void deck, to a guy opening his heart to me. wow... what an eventful night!

thank You God for blessing me so much.

i really feel a bit disoriented now. happy, yet lost. excited, yet stressed. joyful, yet anxious.

it was really beautiful. funny, yes, but special. =)


guess what?

i'm getting married... =b


*beams*

a new perspective

just had a chat with pat, in light of the feelings of my recent blog post.

God, you didn't give me this passion to just give up like that. right?

well, maybe You did. maybe it's a lesson in surrendering for me.

but also...

maybe it's a chance to stretch my faith. to truly put my hope in You.

i'm afraid of auditioning. afraid of failing. especially because i know people will think "i knew it" or "i told you so". i feel so small and insecure suddenly. and it's scary cos i don't want to practice and practice, and then be told "you're not good enough".

ironic, isn't it?

the theme of TURT was "what makes me somebody?" i feel like i'm learning that now. in a whole new light.

what makes me somebody?

do i need to be told i'm good, that i'm 'enough' to feel significant?

or is Your approval enough for me?

honestly, two years ago, my confidence was shattered two TURTs ago. i thought i had dealt with those feelings, but i know now there are still remnants drifiting around in my heart. little shards of glass that can suddenly pierce the soul.

but God, You are the God who heals. the God who hears. the God who cares.

i know that i can run to You and find comfort in Your arms. i can read psalm 139 and know that i AM wonderfully and uniquely made.

YOU make me somebody. =)

disappointed

it's been a fruitful day of writing at work. but somehow... feel a bit in the doldrums.

i guess cos my bubble was burst. just 5 minutes ago. sigh...

i would love to take on a particular challenge at work. i would love to push myself to see how far i can go. i would love to learn a new skill.

BUT, and it's a bit 'but'...

there are others better than me...

and also, i can't expect to do everything i am passionate about. i can't, right?

right.

i shouldn't have allowed myself to hope. to entertain the dream of becoming something... more...

slowly accepting the inevitable conclusion. it sucks, but that's life.

c'est la vie yes?

haiz.

dreams do go up in smoke. it hurts to see them fade away... but i know my God is faithful. as noel puts it in his testimony: He will go through thick and thin with me!

dear God. only YOU really know how i feel right now. only You really understand me. help me to find my significance and joy in You, not in what i do, or in who I become. help me to truly believe that You know best! i know that there are new dreams and challenges on the horizon. i can't see them yet, but You do. =)

thank You for loving me. i know You care about my feelings, and You are here with me. i put my trust in You, my hope in You.

He is faithful

Yesterday we had a concert at Saint Andrew's Cathedral. AX performed.

God is faithful.

1. It didn't rain, even though there was very little rain this week

2. Noel, who shared his gospel message and testimony, didn't get called up as he might have been.

3. There was actually a cool breeze as we were setting up!

4. Many youths came, from various churches.

5. Over 100 people (not sure of actual figure yet) heard the FULL gospel, among them the pre-believing relatives of some of the TURTers. praise God!

I am wowed. God did it again! And this time right here in our homeground, not just in Thailand! what a wonderful God we serve. my heart is so encouraged by how the night went, and refreshed by the hearts of all who performed onstage. Indeed, it was their hearts full of love that i believe shone so brightly last night. Not just love for God, but love for the audience as well.

What a night! more pics and stats soon...