fearful but trusting God

thank you Grace for really hitting the nail on the head. =) i guess i am afraid... of many things...

today at team prayer, we spent time reflecting on our fears for the coming TURT, and life in general. i remembered that God really doesn't want us to 'suffer' in silence, or to deny our fears, or to suppress it, or to feel despairing and hopeless. He wants us to turn to Him, to trust Him more, to surrender our fears to Him.

do you? do i?

i'm still learning, i guess. to let go of my insecurities, my fears, my inadequacies, my past 'traumas'.

"I will never leave you nor forsake you." Heb 13:5

"the Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall i be afraid?" Ps 27:1

"behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpians, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you." Luke 10:19

we sang this song.

there's anointing in the air

i can feel it everywhere

there's power in my soul

so let the river flow

can you hear the rushing wind

it's blowing deep within

my spirit is alive

my life has been revived


i've got the joy

i've got the peace of mind

i've got the faith in the Holy Ghost

that fills me everyday

i've got the life

i've got the melody

i've got the Word

the Word of God that sets me free

- I've got the Joy (Paradise Church)

so many things!!!

urghhh. i can't think. there's too much stuff happening for me to keep track. sigh.

i'm still asking God to help me to love people i find difficult to love. so hard. sigh... this is a recurring lesson in my life. yep

but anyway, on the bright side of things, i had my SECOND driving lesson today. it went waaaayyy better than the first. my instructor only speaks chinese =b but i could understand him, and he's pretty nice.

went round the car park several times, did a few u-turns too. and then we went out on the road - the REAL ROAD! - for about half an hour. it was a bit stressful cos it's hard to keep my eye on the road, as well as watch out for incoming cars or overtaking cars, as well as not jump when silly birds or cats fly or leap into my view... but overall it went ok. i think i got the hang of turning the wheel, and how to press on the accelerator so that the car doesn't surge suddenly.

yay =) so that was a huge joy to my day

now... back to work. i enjoy it - i really do! - but it's just... i need to learn to love people =)

What age do you act?

quite interesting lah, this test. people are always telling me i tend to act a bit younger than i am, so this was a surprise result for me. but a pleasant surprise =) of course, it's only a test...

You Are 26 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

i can't help but blog about it!

HEADLINES OF DOTTIE'S DAY

#1 My Darling Mummu Bought Me A Wok!

Heh. Not just a wok, but a spatula too! My very own wokkie and spatty! =D hee. I shall name them. Ha!

Which means that... from next week onwards, I can begin to cook in my very own home! =) Oh man.. I'm so psyched! My family doesn't cook in general, so I'll need to buy lots of raw materials to begin with, like cooking oil, garlic (lots of it!), salt and rice. It's all qutie exciting! I'm really looking forward to hitting the supermarket next week to stock up on some stuff.

How sweet of my mum to buy the wok and lug it home for me! I really feel so touched.

#2 I Had My First Driving Lesson Today!

YEAH! Finally. I passed my advanced theory last April, but somehow just couldn't find the time to start practical lessons. Today I had my very first!

I've decided to take Auto, after discussing with various people and my Dad, and today was the first lesson of my life - at Bukit Batok.

It was kinda unnerving actually. I have never really driven anything before, except a go-kart ONCE. So it was freaky and fun to sit behind the driver's wheel! We went to this square car park, and spent the lesson driving around it again and again, mostly right turns, one or two lefts. I tried out a U-turn and a straight Reverse too.

Hee!

However my turning was a bit discouraging to me. somehow i couldn't quite get the hang of it. like keep over-steering or under-steering when I turn. Then end up in the wrong lane or between lanes... haiz. i felt quite frustrated, and the instructor wasn't encouraging too (although to his credit he wasn't discouraging either). But I've decided... no point moping about it. I'll just try more next time, and keep practicing. And pat and mel and my dad all told me that i should just keep on trying out different stuff and learn at my own pace, and not get stressed out. =)

i was like "God, how come i can't get it?!" but i guess God is showing me that I need to be patient with ME. I need to let go of the need to 'get it' straight away. it will take time...

#3 It's Not The Storm That Rocks The Boat - It's The Wood The Boat Is Made Of

The Senior Pastor at mel's church gave a sermon on the Lord's prayer this evening. I felt really enlightened by His sharing. But what really stuck in my mind for me was the story he told of a little boat out at sea.

Very often, we think of the obstacles we face, and the trials we go through, as the storms in life. The storms that would rock our little boat. And we think, 'How can beat this storm and stay afloat?'

But the truth is, no matter how strong resolve to 'beat the storm', to rise above the situation, that little boat would only be able to stand firm against the wind and the waves if it was sturdy. If it was rotten old plywood, it would collapse in a minute. But if it was specially grown, sandpapered, high quality timber, it would stay together in one piece.

Well the analogy the Senior Pastor used was us as the little boat. And what forms our spiritual foundations, or what constitutes our being, such as our character, our relationship with God, our faith - this is the wood that the boat is made of. So that's something we should actively be seeking to build up. Not how beautiful our boat looks, with war paint and rigging, but how strong and sturdy our wood is.

i know you might be thinking: 'er.. what's this got to do with the Lord's Prayer?!' well, the point is that our spiritual foundations (wood) can only be strong if we are walking intimately with God. And prayer is a huge part of that. without prayer, we are like a piece of hollow wood (my own words here). like prayer gives us that closeness with God, that forms the 'core' of our wood, that helps us to develop into the kind of 'wood' He wants us to be, to prepare us for our storms in life.

i pray that my boat will stay afloat. =)

recent lessons i have learnt

1. it's very easy to leave God out

at work. in love. at church. at home.

as i take stock of things, i an appalled at how easily i can allow everything but God to take centrestage. who says that being in a Christian organisation means you find that any easier? thanks to my colleague, i was reminded to take a step back from all the busyness of work, and remember why i am doing what i am doing, and for whose glory.

thanks alvin.

this lesson was also brought to mind after my sentosa date with mel. we spent some time discussing like... future plans and stuff. and i was getting all excited bout things... but then, God reminded me that it was becoming too much of me ME ME!!! and less and less of Him.

i shared my thoughts with mel, and we hope to spend more time really seeking God and praying about what lies ahead, instead of just going with how we feel, or what we want, or opportunities we see. i really want to make God the centre of this relationship, but sometimes it's really hard. sigh... thank God for bearing with me when i 'forget' and don't appreciate HIS love for me enough.

2. be real

these past two weeks we've been having checkouts (simulated teaching sessions) for the instructors for TURT. during a session on 'Authenticity', Sharon shared about how we really do need to be real, and really got to the root issues of why we don't allow our true selves to be seen.

afraid of what people might think of me.

afraid that i will be alone. left on the shelf. alone in a crowd of happy strangers.

afraid that i am not good enough to meet people's expectations of a full time staff. that i am not beautiful enough. not smart enough. not tall enough. not patient enough. not loving enough.

our fear really constricts us. prevents us from revealing who we really are. and that in turn prevents us from really growing. because we appear so 'perfect' already, others won't see the need to encourage us, to admonish us, to push us to be more. and we, in turn, feel unknown. feel unsure and insecure,not knowing if we will ever be all that we appear to already be.

but perfect love casts out fear.

Lord, let me love you so much, and know Your love so much, that i can be real - with you, and with the people in my life. let me words, my actions, be borne of truth, not a web of deceit. let my security and significance be found in You alone. that i can truly sing that 'nothing else can take Your place'!

3. i grow, you grow

my cell group is doing the book of Ephesians now. tonight we covered the first part of chapter 4, and i was struck by the imagery used. i never quite thought of it that way before.

if one part of the body isn't growing properly, it hinders the growth of other parts of the body, and ultimately the development of the whole body. conversely, if it's growing properly, then the whole body grows into maturity, to the full measure of Jesus Christ.

so every part really has a role in how the other parts are going to develop. it's not just a matter of having different functions (spiritual gifts) - we ALL affect each other by what we can bring to the table and what we CHOOSE to bring to the table.

just an interesting added perspective for me. =)

i know i'm not v good, but i was inspired by dan. heh.

feeling loved

i had a really good day with mel yesterday. i made a picnic of ham and cheese sandwiches, salad, muji milk tea and sushi rolls, and my new concoction: fresh strawberries on marmalade toast! - for dessert.

we drove to sentosa, walked down to the edge of siloso beach, laid out our mat, and unpacked our picnic basket. the sun was going down early, and the clouds were a bit menacing, but not too bad. nice breeze too...

had fun taking pix of each other eating the feast =D hee... it was very nice and ... comfortable? i dunno, just felt happy and carefree and satisfied with the food and company.

spent most of the time chatting... watching the groups of teens playing frisbee or soccer around us... eavesdropping on their conversations (haha!) and ... just relaxing.

then it started to drizzle a bit, so we headed to new zealand ice creams nearby for shelter. i had a rum-and-raisin milkshake! mmm.. yummm.... talked a lot more.. it was good to be real, to share our feelings, our dreams, our principles. i think we are definitely very different people, but i'm so thankful we can share like that!

finally headed home quite late in the evening... it's at times like these that i feel really blessed, really loved, really special. =)

feeling loved

i had a really good day with mel yesterday. i made a picnic of ham and cheese sandwiches, salad, muji milk tea and sushi rolls, and my new concoction: fresh strawberries on marmalade toast! - for dessert.

we drove to sentosa, walked down to the edge of siloso beach, laid out our mat, and unpacked our picnic basket. the sun was going down early, and the clouds were a bit menacing, but not too bad. nice breeze too...

had fun taking pix of each other eating the feast =D hee... it was very nice and ... comfortable? i dunno, just felt happy and carefree and satisfied with the food and company.

spent most of the time chatting... watching the groups of teens playing frisbee or soccer around us... eavesdropping on their conversations (haha!) and ... just relaxing.

then it started to drizzle a bit, so we headed to new zealand ice creams nearby for shelter. i had a rum-and-raisin milkshake! mmm.. yummm.... talked a lot more.. it was good to be real, to share our feelings, our dreams, our principles. i think we are definitely very different people, but i'm so thankful we can share like that!

finally headed home quite late in the evening... it's at times like these that i feel really blessed, really loved, really special. =)

ages since i blogged...

... but i'm feeling tired. =b so i shall blog tomorrow. just so you know, i had a really great day =) and it's been an exhausting but exciting fortnight or so of TURT prep!

one more month to go...

blessed easter. God loves us SO MUCH MORE that we could ever imagine...

fun times

yesterday was a blast! =)

brought two of the TURTers to JB for wardrobe shopping, cos we have tight budgets, and they needed more stuff. so... dan very graciously offered the use of his car, and drove us over to JB, to city square. for the next 3 hours or so, it was shop shop shop for the guy's outfits and shoes. hee

the best part abt wardrobe shopping is that i can enjoy the fun or shopping and browsing without the pinch of spending! muahaha... anyways the guys got some pretty cool stuff (esp the pants!) and i got... nothing =( just a tee shirt for mel.

met up with alvin and zp too, and walked ard somemore. but still didn't see anything really fabulous or funky. so... thank God for helping me save money eh? =)

then we proceeded on to dinner at this hawker centre, kinda like newton circus in the old days. chilli crab... black pepper crayfish... sambal stingray... oatmeal prawns... three kinds of satay... sambal kang kong... sugarcane juice to wash it all down...

MMMMMMMMMMMM

believe it or not, it was my first time eating chilli crab! boy, is it yummy =) *slurp*

after that dan took us on a short tour of JB. we ended off at danga bay, and walked along the waterfront. nice music, nice breeze, not much of a crowd. really a nice experience! there were some shops there too and we spent some time browsing... but not much lah. the guys had ice cream. haha... piggies =b

then back to the car and a loooong drive back to JB. unfortunately the queue at the causeway was horrendous... it took a long time to get thru and into Singapore. but thank God for our patient driver dan, and for his kind-heartedness is sending us all back to our homes, literally all over the island. really really appreciate that!

noel and i got a bit bored at the queueing part so i learnt how to play golf on dan's phone and i had a bluetooth game with noel. quite fun, once u get the hang of it! =) hee... but i lost to him. haha...

slept for a bit after that, during the loooon drive home. hee

yup yup. a day to remember, definitely =) only thing is... now i feel a bit sick. sigh