happie new year's eve =)

nothing much to do today, so scanned in more pics =)

some shots of the carnival last weekend. somehow they look kinda yellow-y... i wonder why... ?


some of my choir gals. sorry the picture isn't too well-taken. aren't they sweet?


carnival balloons



choir having fun on bouncy castle


kiddies playing

solitude

i had a day of rest today. really treasure the time alone, and with the space and time to spend uninterrupted time with my heavenly Daddy, and to people-watch.

i spent most of the day at Mac Cafe at Parkway, buried into my new journal and occassionally poking up my head up to watch the world go by. thought i'd share some bits from my journaling here... =)


"I'm constantly in danger of losing myself. like a chameleon, i tend to bow to expectations. Who is dotz?

Over-sensitive bundle of emotions, just waiting to spill out. fear of speaking out sometimes, of being criticised, of being scoffed at for my naivety. wanting to giggle at the most inappriopriate moments. wanting ot be in control, yet afraid to make decisions that are unpopular.

relishing and cherishing every symbol of love - Christmas cards, pass-it-on notes, presents, gift boxes, smses, photographs, memories...

Lord this is me."


"You are the Author of my life. You are writing my life story, my love story. my eternal story. You are above and beyond me, yet within me and all around me. You are all-seeing and knowing, yet extending that unfathomable freedom of choice to me, knowing what i will choose."


i was reminded of the term 'boundary lines' - from Psalms 16 - a psalm that i read while in Japan on mission trip four years ago. i haven't really read it since. but i thought i'd go read it again.

so many thoughts rushed through my mind as i was reading it.


v6 - Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup,

"Indeed you have assigned me my portion and my cup. a few years ago, i would have no inkling that one day i might be sitting here. You are the one who led me to Campus Crusade. to Japan, to becoming a DGL. to discovering the roots of Christianity. To ForeRunner. First as an audience member, then as a performer, and now as a staff, a member of the family. to Thailand, to China, to CBMC."

i feel peaceful that, although i still don't know quite what the future holds for me... i feel assured that "I will not be shaken" because God is with me and he has and will continue to "make known to me the path of life".

and yes... i do feel peace when i think about going full time. apprehensive too, as i do fear the responsibilities and expectations and many checkouts i would have to face... but if i do make that decision, i know that God will be my strength and refuge. no promises yet though... =b

v2 - I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing."

oh yeah, and i scanned in my photos!!! so here's a few really cool shots. i like...

my beloved babies... haha... well, they're not really mine...


birthday girl kyrie


smilling emily


sweet lil' nicole


the anderson kiddies


budding musician jayden

so cute riiighhht?!?!?! =D

it just occurred to me...

... that over the past week, several of my dear friends could have been taken away in the disaster, but have been miraculously spared. they were in malaysia on holiday or retreat, and i'm so thankful that they are safe and sound =) thank You God

... that i have to start on my December newsletter soon, or it'll be hopelessly outdated. but then again, now that i have this blog, maybe i don't need to write my newsletter so often. maybe once a quarter is enough =) so supporters - this blog is for you! hee hee...

... that i spent over $300 this month?!?!?!? on Christmas presents, birthday presents, 'presents' for myself =b and meeting up with friends. oh boy... =( that's excluding transport and meals. die lah, better save more.

... that i have a checkout this afternoon for which i am totally unprepared =b oh no... help me God =b er...

... that i have over $500 in claims that will be deposited into my account =) so maybe i'm not so broke now... *happy thought* =D

... i better sign up for those driving classes i'm supposed to sign up for. heh heh

a time to mourn...

the world is grieving. 2 days ago, the worst earthquake in 40 years hit the ocean off Sumatra, and devastated miles of land across the world and shattered the dreams of so many families and friends.

the newspapers are littered with stories of how the different nations are beginnning to cope. but my heart goes out to the people of aceh, who are stuck in the midst of poverty and despair, thanks to political turmoil that has been ripping the country apart.

the pictures are just so sad. of fathers crying over their sons - who will never know the joys of playing marbles in the street anymore. of mothers with their deep grief and sorrow etched so vividly on their faces. of children of will never again know a father and mother's love. and nations united in their shock that such a quake could have happened so out of the blue and unnannounced, and cruelly stopped the lives of over 27,000 people around the planet.

God, why?

i don't know why God has allowed this to happen. especially at a time when the world is celebrating the birth of his precious Son. but i do have a hunch.

maybe- just maybe - God wanted us to stop all our Christmas festivity and partying and really understand the meaning of Christmas.

after all, Christmas can't have been a very joyous time for our heavenly Father, when He had to let go of his only begotten son and send him to live in the muck and mire of a fallen human race, knowing that He was sending him to his eventual death - death on a cross.

maybe He wanted us to understand just a little bit of what He went through in sending His Son to the earth as a helpless babe 2000 years ago.

maybe, too, He wanted us to really treasure those around us and cherish each and every person in our lives, instead of taking them for granted.

so, as the world picks up the pieces of broken homes, and struggles to understand the reasons why???, let's not just stand by and watch.

let's not, as one journalist put it, say that Nature is master over man, but cling on to the belief that God is truly LORD of all.

let's pray for those who are hurting. those whose hearts now have a gaping hole that no amount of money can ever repair. those whose eyes are swollen after crying for hours and hours into the night. and for those who are unable to or have yet to understand and realise the full impact of the quake on their lives.

let's love those around us. our family, our friends, even the acquaintances we make every day - from the friendly econ-minimart uncle to the surly taxi driver. let's remember that every person's soul is so valuable to God that He sent His only Son as a ransom for them.

let's enjoy life. each and every day is truly a gift from God. the sunrise, the rain, the gentle breeze, the sea - everything is a blessing from above - to make our world that much more beautiful.

and let's not forget that, in the end, our lives really are still in His hands. no matter what happens in the world, we can be secure in this knowledge that He is in control. it's not just a feeling, most definitely, but a fact. let's continue to trust that - hey! He knows what He's doing.

and He cares. as the world grieves, He weeps along with them. as the parents mourn, He kneels alongside them. and as little children call out for their earthly fathers and mothers, He longs to embrace them in His arms and tell them that He will never leave nor forsake them.

let's thank Him that, amidst the sadness and fear, there is Hope. hope that a many eyes have been opened to the transience of life, and to the need for meaning in their lives. hope that many of those who have aching wounds in their hearts will allow themselves to be healed by the hand of God and filled by His love.


We do not do what to do, but our eyes are upon you. - 2 Chronicles 20:12

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. - Psalms 46:1

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." - Psalms 46:10

... everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that man will revere him. - Ecclesiastes 3:14

my belated christmas list

haha...

i'm kinda bored right now, so i shall create another post! actually i have stuff to do... but just feel like in a very slacker mode. heh... oops...

anyway, really wanna thank all my family and friends for the cards and presents i received this year. i am so blessed by each and every card and present! hee hee... really so encouraged *sob*

but of course, no one is mind reader right? =b and since i have no idea how to create a wishlist option on my bloggie (trust me - i've been trying...) here's a belated list for all those who wanna get me stuff and don't know what to get! bwahaha =b tsk tsk, naughty me... sorry for being kinda thick-skinned...

hee hee... so here goes!!!

1. veggie tales dvd - fyi i've already watched esther and jonah

2. new phone. mine is scratched majorly man... poor thing got dropped one time too many.

3. pink board shorts

4. pedicure =) ah...

5. guitar pick - a pastel one would be really pretty

6. bible commentay

7. japanese language lessons, i studied japanese on the side for 2 years, but haven't touched it for over a year so quite rusty now.

8. trip to japan!

9. a bottle of snow

10. a surprise!!! =D hee hee

haha... so there.

back to the real world

yup, back to work today - after a two-week hiatus away from desks and meetings and deadlines... haha

but don't get me wrong - i love my job! especially with the cool bunch of colleagues i have =) hee hee. not many people can say that and mean it, but i do... it's just great to work with like-minded people who love God and who put Him first in what they do, and encourage each other to do the same. sure, no one's perfect, but everyone tries to accept each other the way they are. i think it really shows me what it means to show the world that "we are Christians by our love". *aw*

=)

hee hee

today we had an afternoon of packing 300 pieces of our ministry's newsletter to be sent out to our ministry supporters. phew... factory line work can be very tiring. especially cos the darn paper was so stiff and difficult to fold. took us about 2 hours to fold, stuff into envelopes, label, stamp the return address and seal. but kinda therapeutic in a way, when you don't have to think about much stuff =b

*stone*

then, hurrah hurrah!!! *fanfare* i had my first guitar lesson! first official one anyway. been learning bits here and there from friends, but this was my first 'organised' lesson =D (thanks so much melvyn!) i'm really excited about all that i will learn in the months ahead.

been wanting to learn for AGES, but no one really had the time to teach me regularly. so this is a first for me. really glad for this opportunity to learn... *smiles*

well, today i learnt that i need to work A LOT on pressing the strings correctly. my fingers quite stubborn lah,,, and refuse to bend properly sometimes. haiz...

and i learnt that i should practice changing chords reeeally s-l-o-w-l-y so that i train my fingers to be certain of how to change and this will help when i'm learning new chords in future.

but anyway, i still learnt my first two songs. =D can't play them properly yet, but the chords are way cool!

1. fly me to the moon - jazz style! i adore jazz and '7s' and that kinda sound... so this is a favourite song of mine, =)

2. Jesus loves me this I know - deceptively simple on the piano, but not so easy on the guitar, especially with my oaf-fy fingers... sigh...

but it's really fun to learn!!! painful though... *ouch*

Fly me to the moon
Let me sing among those stars
Let me see what spring is like
On jupiter and mars

In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby kiss me

Fill my heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

- Frank Sinatra -

like a limp rag

i'm exhausted. urghhh...

today my church had a boxing day canival. O Little Town of Bethlehem. =) my cg was in charge of the bouncy castle. which was really fun cos we got to bounce around in it too. haha... thanks to linus and haidee and steward and shingyian especially for taking turns to man the fort.

as for me, i only helped out in the afternoon, cos in the morning, the choir had their final two performances in the 'synagogue'. i'm so proud of them! really really thank God for a smooth performance. seeing them having fun onstage and really meaning the words they sing meant such a lot to me.

they really have grown over the past one year, and it's amazing to see them coming out of their shells and really shining so brilliantly for Jesus.

then to the bouncy castle. where they were a heap of screaming, rowdy, energetic kiddies who reminded me of how old i'm becoming. =b *mutter mutter*

anyway we had a couple of notty ones who refused to get off when their time was up, so we had to try ways and means to get them off:

1. ask them nicely

2. tell them they HAVE TO get off the castle cos their time is over

3. prod them in the general direction of the enttrance

4. tell them "i'll tell your daddy and mommy if you don't listen to me'

5. physically carry them off the castle

sigh... notty notty kiddies

had a fun time bouncing with some of the choirlets and taking pictures of them and cute kiddies having fun though =) i'll try to upload some pix during the week.

ok, that's all for tonight. zonkified - if there's such a word. back to work tomorrow... =)

christmas is a time to love

today is christmas day.

i must admit. it was kind of a sad day.

ok it wasn't THAT bad lah. it was actually quite nice in the sense that it was relaxing and great weather (except for the little outburst of rain). and i'm really so thankful for each and every one of my friends with whom i shared a laugh, a hug, a friendly hand shake or poke throughout the day.

i got lots of little gifts and cards from my dearest choirlets. ok, some history here. i started the youth choir two years back, going into it with zilch know-how or experience in how to run a ministry. =b looking back, i probably would have said 'no' when approached by uncle roland to take it on. but at that time, i was happily oblivious to the trials and difficulties that are part and parcel of any ministry - expecially one that deals with youth.

ove the past two years, it's been a joyful struggle for me going through each practice and performance. struggle cos i faced a lot of expectations (there had been a youth choir in my church previously which had set a very high standard) and i had a lot of unrealistic expectations on my part too. and youth these days are so swamped with school and extra-curricular activities and tuition etc that it was hard to demand of them the commitment i felt is needed.

tomorrow will be our last performance. =(

and the joy?

i love my little choirlets. i love each and every one of them. they are all so precious and special and have been such an important part of my life for the past 2 years, it feels like i am the one who is 'destroying' the dream, by initiating its end, but i really do feel that it's best for all concerned. they need room to grow, to experiment, to try out new things, to be comfortable with themselves... and all the stuff that youths (even me) struggle with. they need to discover what they really like - be it singing, playing music, drama or dance. and being in a ministry like this constrains them, because they can't try out other stuff that they might really be good at.

and i don't think i can cope with it on my own anymore. i'm tired. really really tired. it's lonely being at the top. and scary cos they're all looking up to you, and... i don't want to struggle through it anymore.

over the two years, i have scolded them (a lot!), laughed with them, pulled them around (literally =b), laughed with them, cried with them, shared their excitement, shared their problems, felt like killing them sometimes... and loved them. but i'm just been so blessed by them. they've taught me how to stay optimistic, when so many around me are cynical and critical. they've trained me to be patient =b and to plan performances better. they've encouraged me verbally and in writing, and by just turning up for practice when they don't feel like it.

i don't regret my decision to start choir one bit. it changed me, it changed my life, it made me a better person. and the knowledge i've gained and the friends i've made are more priceless than all those Sunday afternoon naps i could have taken!

so now... it's a different ball game. the lights have dimmed on the centre of the stage, and gone on on stage right. - the musicians side. yup, i will moving to a new ministry. not sure what to call it, but i will helping in the musician training for youth, as we really need the younger batches to come forward to lead in worship. looking forward to it, especially as i'm not the person-in-charge, but just a helper along the way =)

i hope some of my choirlets will go for this training to explore their potential =)

meanwhile... i'm also happy that Jon told me how to upload my photos to here =) yay... so here are some shots from a trip i took earlier this year. i really love taking things and people, rather than events and groups. enjoy!

i don't know why but i just love brick walls. so much more warmth than tinny metal scaffolding or plastic boards.

leaning against a wall.



cute kids


chickens in a cage in the marketplace, awaiting their dismal fate... heh heh heh

row of colourful shophouses.

encouragement for the weary

When you walk through a storm

Hold your head up high

And don't be afraid of the dark

At the end of the storm is a golden sky

And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind

Walk on through the rain

Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart

And you'll never walk alone

You'll never walk alone

- Rodgers and Hammerstein -

there's no such thing as coincidence... right?

i was kinda bored about half an hour ago. not because i have nothing to do =b but because i just felt lazy and slack. so i decided i'd check out which bloggers share the same interests as me. black and white photography in particular. =)

do u believe that God is in control of even the tiniest little things that happen to us? i do. which is why i don't quite know what to do now...

somehow came to this gals' website. and just for fun, thought i'd read some of her bloggings. here's the first one i read.

http://aprilscorner.blogspot.com/2004/10/god-almighty.html

hmmm...

God, are you trying to tell me something?

Looking around I see so many
Trying so hard to somehow make it through
So many times I've chosen silence
Knowing inside how much they needed You
They need to know
They need to see
That Jesus paid the price to set them free

Here am I with nothing much to offer
Just a child who'll serve You willingly
So if you want to show Your strength through such weakness
Here amI - Send me

merry christmas eve, with love.

God of wonders

"And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14

i told God: I really want to experience and see your glory. i seem to have a very 'friendly' relationship with you - you know, lie buddy-buddy-best-friend kinda thing. but i want to be in AWE of you.

then i felt God reminding me that if i would just stop talking and just keep silent and look all around me, i would see the wondrous display of His glory in all the surrounds me. the earth beneath my feet that keeps me up, the sun and skies above that are created in such beautiful colours and that remain constant day after day, year after year. and the sea breeze that blows so gently without morphing into a typhoon! truly He has the whole world in the palm of his hand, including me!

it suddenly felt like the ground on which i stand is held by His own two hands. the skies above are 'set' in place by his fingers. and the breeze that blows is a gift of His grace.

God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy
Lord of Heaven and Earth

it's scary growing up

i feel old =(

i felt it today when i was on a bus headed for town. don't know why... just suddenly thought about my friend who's getting married soon, and i was thinking of what her mom would wear to the wedding =b and then... suddenly it popped into my head that her mom is probably about 55, while me mom is probably 58 already. and it suddenly occured to me that my parents are growing, well, old.

duh, of course my parents are growing old - it's a natural human phenomenon right?

but i just never thought about it ... as vividly as this morning. like suddenly i could envision them with their hair turning white (my dad's hair is practically snowy already!) and sitting in front of the telly the whole day... or staring out of the windows for hours and reminiscing about the life they had... it was just pretty depressing

what will i do without my parents? i really don't know...

i'll feel lost probably. and lonely. and... responsible.

well after all that thinking, i came to the conclusion that i really need to love my parents more. i mean, i do - but, well, i could try to be a lot more patient with them. and spend more time really getting to know them. and meanwhile, i think i suddenly realised the importance of knowing about taxes and GST and how bills are paid and how houses and cars are bought and... all that sorta thing which my dad usually takes care of...

yeah...

so i really should get off my butt for starters, and go learn driving... =)

anyway thank God i wasn't depressed for long =) cos he reminded me that He's my eternal "Daddy" and He'll be with me through the storms of life and such, and will walk through all this with me, holding my hand. so i dun feel so scared anymore. =)

it's working!

decided i should do myself a favour and really put some effort into getting my little blog up and running... haha... thanx yongling for being so sweet and encouraging me to do this! well. honestly, i tried to start a blog before, but i was too lazy to format and update it properly. so hopefully this time will be better! so exciting!!! =)

survived a super super long bus ride with jamie to ikea to shop for christmas stuff. it was great to have the time and space to talk and talk and talk... haven't been there for ages man... and there's all sorts of cool new stuff. like these really comfy sinky-bliss sofas and cute little angel motif napkins and candle holders. and lots of pretty candles and postcards too. hmmm.... but anyway, thank you jamie for my photoframe! it's really cool. it's like a strip of negative that you hang on the wall. just that each negative is a slot for a photo. cool huh? =)

then... we didn't have anything much to do, so we chatted for quite a while in the ikea cafeteria. really good to catch up on each other's lives after sooooo long. God is really doing things in each of our lives to prepare us for... well, life i guess... and to cause us to really turn to Him and depend on Him more and more. one thing we shared that really struck me as so true (but sad) was that as we get older, we 'filter' our friends. people whom we have grown up with or used to think we would be 'forever friends' with, aren't a major part of our lives anymore. and i find that i have really become more selective of who i really open my heart to and who i spend my free time with. (esp now that i'm working!) i guess we just don't feel the pressure to live up to people's expectations and to be liked by everyone as much as before. is it a good thing?

anyway, whatever the case, i really am so thankful for friends. FRIENDS. each and everyone of you that might be reading this blog, do know that you are so special to me! this morning, i was reminded during quiet time that God is a "God of small happenings". God brought you into my life (and vice versa), and scheduled and crafted all the little happenings in our lives and chinks in our character so that we would fall into the friendship that we now have! wow... =D

i love you, friend. *hugz*

to dotz.!

heyy dotzz.! hahahas. so glad to really had known u.! mus add at least one entry then can see ur blog.so hope u dun mind i blog one entry le. =p. hees. continue to shine for God.! praying for u.! lurve ya loads.=)